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9 Ways to deal when the kids like their nanny more than you

Lynn Perkins

Thanks to your tireless search and keen insights, you’ve landed the world’s greatest nanny. What could damper your tremendous gratitude? Your suspicion that she may be too good for the job: Your kids like her more than they like you.

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You get it. Nanny extraordinaire can sustain an energy level you haven’t felt since your pre-kid days, but it can sting a bit to see your kids light up at the sight of another motherly figure or cling to her when it’s time to say goodbye. Before you crumble under your own insecurities and banish the woman for being so dang good at her job, consider these nine reassuring ways to feel confident about your hire — and in your role as numero uno in your kids’ lives.

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1. Congratulate yourself

Finding and hiring a fabulous nanny who truly loves and connects with your kids is no easy task. Yet, you did!

2. Be proud of your kids

You’ve raised them to have big hearts and plenty of love to go around. Their feelings for anyone else won’t damper their love for you, dear mom.

3. Think of the teamwork

Your nanny is your teammate, not your replacement. You’ve hired her to work with you to assure the best possible care for your family. If you appreciate —rather than fret — her greatness, she’ll start to feel like part of the family to you too.

4. Feel liberated!

Isn’t it nice to know that your kids are not only well cared for, but happy and loved while you are away?

5. Realize that you’re exposing your kids to new interests and skills that you may not have

It not only lets you off the hook on the things you’d rather not do — crafting, perhaps? — it introduces your kids to activities they may not otherwise have a chance to explore. What a wonderful gift.

6. Consider the alternative

Would you rather have an unreliable, distracted nanny who is unhappy to be there or have your kids burst into tears when you leave them? Many mothers can attest that your situation is highly preferred.

7. Be present, even when you are away

Leave a family photo book for your kids to view with the nanny to recall memories of fun family times. Call to check in, leave occasional notes to let them know you’re thinking of them and ask your nanny to remind your kids that you are looking forward to being home with them soon.

8. Incorporate a fun, meaningful ritual or activity to enjoy together when you’re reunited at the end of the day.

Maybe you snuggle under a favorite blanket and share something funny that happened to each of you that day or tackle homework only Mom can master.

9. Remember that you are irreplaceable

You are their mother. Kids often save some of their emotions from the day — good and bad — for mom because they seek the comfort that only she can provide.

If you’re struggling to accept your kids’ attachment to someone else, the best advice is to simply let go of any hurt, insecurities, and guilt and be at peace with your nanny and her relationship with your kids. Being confident and committed to you kids’ care will help you make the most of the time you have together, as well as the time you have apart.

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