What I wish someone had said to me when I struggled to conceive

Jan 23, 2016 at 12:00 p.m. ET
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To the woman struggling with infertility:

I see you staring at me. You see my newborn baby in her car seat. You see my lack of makeup, dark circles and the look of exhaustion. You notice that my hair looks like it hasn't been washed in days. You look at me and wish you could switch places with me. You would give anything to be in my shoes. You might even think you would appreciate the experience more than I would.

More: I Knew I Was An Adult When: I began infertility treatment

Infertility has taken its toll on you and your spouse. You have gone from hopeful and positive to bitter and envious. There have been rivers of tears cried and so many cries of frustration. You have lost count of the prayers begging for your chance to start a family.

You might ask how I know all of this? It's because I have been in your shoes. Infertility was a battle my husband and I fought for quite a while. After two losses and lots of tests and doctoring, we finally got our rainbow baby. I can assure you, as haggard as I look, I am loving every minute of parenthood. It is the hardest job I have ever done, but the greatest job I have ever done.

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Please remember to not let your jealousy cloud every situation. There are many of us that have been in your shoes and, one way or the other, we become parents. Even though we now are parents, we never forget the ones we have lost, even if we did not get to know them. Know that we did not forget what it's like to be in your shoes.

I know you will become a parent one way or the other. Whether they are biological or adopted. Whether they are one or many. Love makes a family — not how they came to be.

More: How I'm helping women on the road to conception