For some people, being pregnant is a delight in and of itself.
But for the rest of us, there’s not a lot of joy to be had by the time the third trimester rolls around. With swollen ankles, bloated bellies and baptism-by-fire-level heartburn going on, there’s no excuse for pregnant folks not to take every advantage they can.
Pregnancy is one of the only times you can get away with stuff like this, so why not put your money where your morning sickness is?
1. Planning all family gatherings at your house.
Everyone can bring a dish to pass, of course. And while you’re at work, make sure to schedule every meeting in the conference room closest to your office. That way, everyone can hoof it over to you instead of the other way around. And it saves time overall, since no one has to wait for things to start until after you’ve waddled your way over.
2. Eating the last cookie in the box even though it’s totally not your turn — guilt-free.
Pregnancy means never having to say you’re sorry, at least when it comes to snacks. There’s a growing baby inside you, after all, and that little fetus needs every bit of the generous quantity of vitamins and minerals that are undoubtedly present in every single Oreo.
3. Getting to choose what to eat for every meal.
Sorry, honey, the baby wants Chinese tonight. And tomorrow, he’s going to want peanut butter and macaroni sandwiches. Deal with it!
4. Putting your feet up. On everything.
At any other time, slamming your bloated kickers up on the conference table at work would be a serious faux pas. Now, it’s medically necessary. These feet aren’t going to un-swell themselves, team.
5. Always getting the aisle seat.
Why do pregnancy websites always compare your fetus to the size of fruits and vegetables? What’s relevant is the size of your bladder at any given stage. By the time it’s the size of a grain of couscous, not having to share an armrest is the least exciting thing about this.
6. Not having to replace the empty roll of toilet paper or paper towels.
Lumber down into the basement for a replacement? On these tree trunks? I think not.
7. Buying a new wardrobe.
Yoga pants can only stretch so far. If you’re going to feel like the pre-iceberg Titanic, you might as well look good doing it.
8. Crying like a baby at movies.
We’re not really crying at the ending of Inside Out! Those are just hormones leaking out of our eye sockets!