Social media may be killing the art of the adult conversation, but when you have kids, who are you kidding? You don’t have time for an adult conversation. So to that we say, thank goodness for Twitter!
When you’re in the (kind of insane) throes of parenthood, it’s nice to know you’re not the only person contemplating a glass of wine at 4 p.m. or cleaning spaghetti out of your hair. Here are the 10 funniest — and truest! — parenting tweets from this week.
1. Sad but true
Sorry, can't talk right now. I'm busy making a dinner no one is going to eat.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) December 10, 2015
2. Take it easy there, guys
It's like these kids don't realize that the ornaments on the tree need to be exactly 5-1/2" apart. Fucking lunatics.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) December 9, 2014
3. People without kids have no idea
Hi, childless people. I just meticulously peeled the skin off a pickle. Cuz the pickle was "bumpy."
Enjoy your day. Not de-bumping pickles.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 6, 2015
4. A case to eat in
Going out to dinner with our 4 kids is a great reminder why we never go out to dinner.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 6, 2015
5. Poor Dad
Caregiver told us that Baby E got kissed by a boy in class. I watched as the remaining 10% of my husband's brown hair turn white.
— Lady E (@cakevans) December 10, 2015
6. Payback, baby!
One thing I definitely underestimated when I first became a father was the great amount of joy embarrassing my kids would bring me.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 10, 2015
7. Don’t touch the Elf on the Shelf
"If you touch the Elf on The Shelf, Krampus will show up" -husband to 7YO
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 6, 2015
8. The many mysteries of parenthood
"There's A Pancake In The Hallway: and other mysteries of parenting" – a memoir
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 10, 2015
9. Eat your veggies
Me: Eat your vegetables. They make you smarter.
3-year-old: *hands me a carrot* You need this more than I do.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) December 6, 2015
10. Trying to save a buck
Scanning kids playroom to see if I can pass off any old toys as "Santa gifts" without raising suspicions. #recycling
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) December 10, 2015