If you had the chance to peek inside the male brain and learn exactly what they look for when selecting the mother of their future children, would you do it? If you’re curious, look no further — I’ve done all the digging for you.
Recently I had the opportunity to poll 20 men between the ages of 18 and 44, to ask them what they believe made a woman “good mom material.” Some of these men were single, some were in steady relationships, some were married, and some were married with children.
In an effort to get the most honest answers possible, the majority of the replies were acquired anonymously on paper. Two of the answers were provided by married female friends who kindly asked their husbands and recorded their responses. Many of these revelatory answers made me laugh out loud… and some made me cringe.
Before I break down this list, I think it’s important to note that approximately 75 percent of the men answered as if they were the child. That’s right, 15 out of the 20 men who answered this wrote their responses in the first person. As in, about themselves.
Not to knock men down or anything, but it’s striking to me that when thinking about the qualities that make a woman “mom material” many referred to how a woman should take care of them, not their offspring. And men wonder why women call them their “other child.”
Some of the best first-person answers were things like:
“She puts up with my bullshit.”
“She hates my ex-girlfriends.”
“She does my laundry.”
“She supports me in my decisions.”
With my favorite being: “She’s my personal designated driver.”
Well, at least that guy isn’t keen on getting busted for drunk driving. Good for him.
The No. 1 answer, coming in at just over 50 percent, was actually kind of sweet. By and large men cited “caring” as the No. 1 trait that makes a woman good mom material.
Forty-five percent of the participants in my quest gave answers that sounded more like domestic servitude and less like traits of motherhood. The second most listed qualities were tied between being understanding towards others, being a good cook and cleaning the house regularly. Come on guys — really?
I can see why “understanding” is an important quality for any parental figure to have, but it’s 2015, people! If cookin’ and cleanin’ are still considered some of the most important qualities a woman can have as a mother, well, we haven’t come as far as I’d hoped.
Right behind those winning answers were ones that made much more sense, at least to me. Thirty-five percent of the men answered that “being firm and/or stern when needed” and “putting the child first” were the third most important traits a woman could have to be a candidate for good mother material.
Tied for fourth place was unconditional love, patience, a sense of responsibility and a willingness to be a good role model. Twenty-five percent of the participants agreed those were equally important characteristics for a woman to have to be considered a top-quality mom.
Coming in at fifth place, 20 percent of the men felt the following traits were essential: being drug-free, attractive, having an education, being kindhearted, loyal, organized, smart and actually wanting to be a mom. That means at least four men who participated in this questionnaire were actively concerned that the woman who might have their children (or maybe already had them) wouldn’t even want to be their mother. Ouch!
The remaining answers, in no particular order, were:
Decisive, dependable, financially stable, physically fit, independent, mature, supportive, determined, doesn’t swear, has good judgment, is just, has integrity, is mentally stable, strong-minded and tactful.
I can’t leave off the outliers. These answers were onesies and twosies and proved that real cavemen still exist:
“She has big ol’ titties.”
“She’s got a nice butt.”
“She drinks whiskey.”
“She’s a ‘ride or die’ chick.”
And my personal favorite: “She gives ‘old-fashioneds’ on the regular.”
According to that guy, being able to give a good hand job (regularly) qualifies a lady as good mom material.
Gird your loins, ladies, chivalry is not dead.