Parents upset with naughty children's book parody need a sense of humor

Sep 28, 2015 at 4:47 p.m. ET
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A new book about the joy of balls is being called "sick" and "perverted" by parents. I'd argue that it's those commenters who are sick and perverted, since this book is obviously just a sweet story about a little boy who wants someone to play with his balls... oh wait, I get it.

Do You Want to Play With my Balls is an illustrated book written by The Cifaldi Brothers. I don't know who The Cifaldi Brothers are, but I do know that they like to take a good ball joke and squeeze every last drop out of it (see what I did?).

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Do You Want to Play With my Balls is illustrated to look like a children's book, though it is clearly a book for adults. The reason for that is not to trick children into reading it, but to play on all those times we as parents have read an actual children's book that talks about playing with balls and hurt ourselves trying not to giggle.

We react this way because the word "balls" is always funny. Well, unless you're the folks from MediaTakeOut, who posted a marvelous video of a disgusted woman reading the book out loud in what is either a public library or a Barnes and Noble, so she can't be that shy, the dirty minx. It's a must-watch.


The best part about this video — other than the voice of the woman reading the book, who is clearly one second away from calling her lawyer (who is, unfortunately, already busy representing her in her lawsuit against whoever is responsible for bananas) — is the description below it, which reads:

"DISTURBING VIDEO: This Is A REAL Children's Book... Being Sold To CHILDREN...Parents PLEASE Make Sure That Your SCHOOL Isn't Using THIS BOOK!! (Wow...They Are Really Trying To INDOCTRINATE Kids)"

Let's talk about this. First of all, when I see something labeled "disturbing video," I expect it to be about people being decapitated or a 20-year-old cyst being popped. Having a nice woman read me a story doesn't make the cut.

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Second, this is not a children's book and it is not being sold to children. It's a gag book (pun intended) for adults who are expected to get the joke. The creators even note on their website that it's "a perfect gift for parents, fun loving adults, friends and even young children (though it’s probably best that they’re young enough to not understand the meaning of a pun)."

Third, if your school — wait, sorry — if your SCHOOL is using THIS BOOK then you have a LIBRARIAN who either DOESN'T have a SENSE OF HUMOR or HATES the parents at her SCHOOL.

And finally, I would be interested to hear more about this "indoctrination" they speak of. What group is doing the indoctrinating, and what is it that they're trying to force upon our innocent children? Can you indoctrinate a child into touching their balls? This has to be an anti-masturbation thing, an anti-gay thing or an anti-slutty-five-year-olds thing. I'm not sure which it is, but there's some kind of out-of-proportion and inaccurate moral judgment going on here... I can smell it.

And it smells... musty.

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