For the most part, I consider myself a pretty chill and even-keeled mother.
Do I freak out if the baby happens to take a tumble and eat some major dirt? No way — it’s just bulking up that immune system. Do I flinch when she digs her razor-like claws into my skin when she’s nursing? Nope — it’s a sacrifice of motherhood I’m willing to take. Heck, I even look the other way for now at the complete train wreck that my house has become under the wrath of The Toys of Many Small Children.
But there are a few instances when I am absolutely, 100 percent the mean mommy. And I’m OK with that.
1. I refuse to buy any and all versions of “fruit” punch for my children
I don’t care how many well-meaning grandmothers purchase vials of the stuff, it always makes my kids puke and it’s not pretty. I’m pretty sure the stuff is actually made of rocket fuel anyways.
2. We don’t do fruit snacks
I kid you not, I bought fruit snacks for my son as a special birthday treat last week for the first time in actual years. I just don’t care how much my children beg for them, it’s not happening. Maybe if they would actually eat half of the stuff I cook for them, I would consider it, but until that day, nope, sorry kids. Learn to love broccoli, then we can talk.
3. We do do family time
I’m a pretty strict enforcer of carving out time to just “be” at home, because we happen to have a lot of introverts in the family and I know we all need that relaxation and recharging sometimes. It’s important and if that means turning down the occasional play date for my daughter, well then, so be it.
4. We don’t do sleepovers
There’s a time and a place, and if I’m just not feeling comfortable or think my daughter isn’t ready, I have no problem saying “no.”
5. I don’t co-sleep with big kids
Speaking of sleep, I am more often than not a horribly mean mommy in the middle of the night, when at least 50 percent of my children are guaranteed to wake up for absolutely no reason. My 5-year-old recently wandered downstairs when I was working at 5:30 in the freaking morning and while part of me wanted to embrace that time and let her snuggle on the couch next to me, the other part of me just wanted her to sleep like a normal human being. So off to bed I sent her — where she immediately fell back asleep. #momknowsbest
6. They don’t get sugary cereal
Growing up, I had just about every sugary cereal a kid could dream of. Does anyone else remember actual Rice Krispies Treats cereal?? I ate that stuff up like it was a morning snack before my real breakfast. But although I floated down the blissed-out lane of childhood sugar, I am not going there with my kids. Eggs or oatmeal, guys, take your pick.
Some day they will thank me, right?