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Moms share their best stories about the birds and the bees

I wish a camera had been rolling when my preschool daughter asked me how she came out of my belly as a baby. I looked at her stone-faced and said, “You came out of my vagina.”

For a moment, she was dumbfounded. “Mom, no, stop it,” she said. Then, as though a light bulb came on in her tiny head, she continued, “Shark babies do not come out of shark ‘ginas. Do they?”

“Totally,” I said. “Except the ones that are egg babies.”

Our hilarious conversation made me certain that other moms are diving into similar interchanges with their kids. We’ve compiled the best of the best for your enjoyment.

Playdates no more

“Soon after the birth of our youngest daughter, our older daughter Addy was talking to a new friend who had also just become a big sister,” said mom of two Elizabeth. “The little girl said, ‘My baby came out of mommy’s tummy.’ Addy then countered, ‘My baby came out of my mommy’s vagina.’ The other mom didn’t invite us back for a second playdate.”

The tampon announcement

“My policy is to answer questions factually, but to not elaborate beyond what my child asks,” explained Redditor Rebel Kitty. “Yes, there have been some embarrassing moments. Like my daughter once asked me very loudly on a public bus, ‘Mommy, are you wearing a tampon right now?'”

The birds and bees are very literal

Lyric’s 6-year-old son approached her with a list of questions about babies. “He’s a high-functioning autistic child, so he must be engaged and focused to understand,” she said. “Confusion engages him. He grilled me: ‘What’s a birth canal? Where is it? What is it? Did you lay me as an egg?!'”

Let’s get real about contraception

“When my oldest was 13, we were talking about sex,” said Bambi. “I asked him, ‘Do you know the best way to avoid getting a girl pregnant?’ He responded, ‘Um, wear two?'” Needless to say, Bambi took the opportunity to explain how contraception is actually supposed to work.

Oh, the awkward

“I used the technique of talking about body parts before my kids were old enough to care,” said dad Alton. “It gets the embarrassment out of the system, but it can lead to some awkward moments. Like the time my 2-year-old slipped and hit her groin at the park, and demanded that I ‘kiss her vulva better.'” Thankfully, he reported that he was able to laugh it off and use the embarrassment as yet another teachable moment.

What are your best anecdotes from sex education in your household?

More about kids and sexuality

Kids dupe teacher into showing Fifty Shades of Grey in class
I let me kids see all the nipples because human bodies aren’t shameful
Boarding schools urged to adopt “gender neutral” uniform policies

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