This guy definitely has some issues that should be explored with the help of some sort of medical professional. There’s so much insanity going on in this story it’s hard to know where to start. So let’s take it from the top.
And before you have time to ask, don’t. Disney has already reportedly bought the rights to this story.
See, Jeremiah Heaton is a farmer in Virginia who wanted to give his little girl, 7-year-old Emily, what most dads do — the full princess treatment. Not content with a trip to the toy store, he decided to take things in a decidedly realistic — and drastic — direction.
He found a piece of land that, according to his maps, was unclaimed in a “no man’s land” between Sudan and Egypt called Bir Tawil, traveled there and planted a flag on Emily’s seventh birthday so she could be a real, live princess with a legit kingdom and everything. The family designed the flag on the back of a restaurant menu.
Because that’s all Americans need to steal land from Africans, apparently: an idea, a flag and a plane ticket. ‘Merika!
He’s serious too. He’s acting as if he’s the king of this place. He’s trying to set up an embassy in Denmark for his “Kingdom of North Sudan,” and even applied to the United Nations to get the paperwork started.
Image: North Sudan Monarchy
Now Heaton has turned the project into a movement to raise the money to create “The Ark,” a lab that will study how to grow crops in the desert. Pretty sure ancient Egyptians worked this little puzzle out thousands of years ago — it’s called irrigation.
“I asked my children what we should do with the land, and they said they wanted to grow a garden big enough to feed everyone in the world,” King Heaton said.
Does this self-righteous, entitled crap make anyone else completely ill?
Planting a ridiculous flag in the middle of an African desert does not make you a king, nor does it make your entitled little spawn a princess. Elsa, in case you missed it, isn’t real. Why not make your daughter a unicorn while you’re at it too?
The Egyptian government appears to be going along with this bit of Frozen cosplay as a political statement about its lack of claim to the land. But you have to wonder how King Heaton would match up with the likes of the Sudanese militants that actually appear to have pretty tight control of their own land. Because things are going totally smoothly there. You know… North Sudan… Darfur.
You know what? I’ve always wanted my kid to be a farmer. I believe I’ll go set up camp at this guy’s house in Virginia. I could whip up a flag in no time.
Go home, King Heaton, and take Princess ‘Merika with you before you get yourself killed with your Western entitlement. You must be drunk.