Kids are a combination of eager to please and literal minded. The result of this is usually that they will listen to you when you tell them to do something. Sometimes they listen almost too well.
When I was little, my mom bought a packet of socks for the boys in my house, and I was tasked with putting them away. “What should I do with these?” I asked her. “Oh, just give ’em a rip, and toss them in the cabinet,” was her response. As an adult, I realize she was telling me not to worry too much about them and just stash them in the cupboard, but as a child, I was confused when she walked in on me a half-hour later, doubled over in laughter as I hurled pair after pair of socks from the shredded package into the cabinet.
1. The fence!
From user zach_and_jenny:
“My kid plays soccer. The coach told him on Saturday that he was going to be defense but due to the coach’s accent, what he heard was that he was going to be the fence so for 15 minutes my son stood still in the middle of the field pretending to be a fence. It was explained to him at half time and he improved his game after that.
I asked him what made him think that and he said the ball never goes past the fence when we play at home, so…”
2. A child after my own heart
From user Amy_MUA:
“My brother liked to help pack away groceries, so my mother handed him the toilet rolls and asked him to pop them in the loo. Well he took them out of the wrapped and put them all in the toilet bowl -_- “
3. Manners can be tricky
From user lolarent:
“Me: ‘If you’d like something, you have to say ‘please’, ok?’
Toddler: ‘pwease ok!’
Me: ‘not ‘please ok’, just ‘please’.’
Toddler: ‘just pwease!'”
4. Home run
From user SteveHarveysSuit:
“When my son started T-Ball the coach told him you hit the ball then have to touch all the bases. He ran as fast as he could to first base, stopped right before it, bent over and touched it lightly with his finger. Bolted to second, stopped right next to the base, bent over and gingerly touched it. Continued the pattern all the way to home plate.”
5. Why isn’t this working?
From user blushingpervert:
“We got an orange Julius at the mall. I asked the employee ti put it in 2 cups. So my 3 year old and i both had our own half full cup. After a few minutes, she complained that her hands were cold from holding the cup so I instructed her to, ‘hold the cup higher.’ She looked skeptical, but held the cup high above her head.”
6. Flavor saver
From user Apples300:
“I work as an early childhood teacher with 2 year olds. A staff member told the children to fill their pockets(pita) with falafel and salad. After a few minutes the child turns around to the teacher and says, “But, teacher there’s no more room in my pocket”. He’d filled his pockets to the brim with techina, chummus, falafel and salad.”
I could read this stuff all day. My daughter is past the age of literal interpretation, so mostly her attempts to follow my instructions are bang on, even if they are accompanied by eye rolls and heaved sighs.