I’ve had two summer pregnancies so therefore I am an expert on why all things summer gestation totally suck.
What, you don’t like that reasoning? Well, it’s the truth. Any woman who has suffered through morning sickness and heat waves, bikini season and bumps larger than life deserves a little recognition for her contributions, OK?
If I had my way, I would never have another summer pregnancy again. And here’s why.
1. One too many jokes about watermelons
Yes, yes, I know, pregnant women resemble watermelons and watermelons are also a popular summer fruit. Honestly, how original can you be?
2. Morning sickness + humidity are not a good combination
I had the good fortune of spending some time in the heat of Mexico during my first trimester and I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I can never go back there again. The humidity and the smells of the resort instantly conjure up nausea. There’s just something about the heat that intensifies all morning sickness. Ugh.
3. Sundresses aren’t as comfy as you would think
Summer pregnancy will be great! I thought to myself as the hot summer approached and I ran out of clothes that fit in my closet. I can just wear sundresses. Except that I forgot that regular sundresses look ridiculous when you have a huge belly and long dresses that could fit my bump only made me sweat even worse. For the first time in my life, I now understood the pain that is thigh chafing.
4. Cankles are never a good look
I don’t care how many pairs of flip-flops you own, they won’t be flattering when you’re sporting a mean set of cankles.
5. Two words: ice cream
I could get away with relatively healthy pregnancies in the winter, but in the summer? Give me all the ice cream.
6. Bikini season can be cruel
If you happen to be the type of pregnant person who gains weight everywhere (guilty) and not the cute beach-ball-in-front version, summer can be a particularly rough time of feeling like there are a million cute pregnant women in bikinis milling about while you’re just hoping you can find a one-piece big enough for your body. Just know I feel your pain.
7. Shamu is an unfortunate association
We have a picture that my husband kindly snapped of me when I was swimming far out from the beach, wearing a lovely gray-colored bathing suit as I jumped out of the water. Can you guess what nickname I earned from that particular pose? (Side note: My husband is the worst.)
8. There’s not enough air conditioning in the world
No, but really. There’s not. I don’t want to horrify you too much, but there was definitely a lot of nude sleeping going on in my house during my summer pregnancies because 1) no clothes fit me anyways and 2) so hot.
9. Postpartum bodies are not meant for summer
Oh my gosh, the horror that was my body in August after a backbreaking pregnancy is enough to make me shudder just thinking about it. And again, so hot. Postpartum has always been almost worse for me with the hot flashes as my hormones struggle to remember what normal levels should be. Plus, how cruel is it that you’re bleeding all over the darn place when there is swimming to be done?
10. Backyard barbecues are a dangerous place
I don’t even like beer and yet, for the four-plus months of hot weather that I enjoyed (ha) being pregnant for, there was nothing I dreamt of more than an ice cold, frothy and refreshing beer.