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I hope my daughter has a better sex life than I do

As someone who took an embarrassingly long time to have her first (partnered) orgasm, I can say without reservation that I want my daughter to do better.

When I was growing up, girls who did anything even remotely sexual — dancing too suggestively, wearing short skirts, talking to a boy for too long — would be labeled “fast.” And you didn’t want to be “fast.”

As a result, I learned to squelch any hints of sexual desire. When I finally did become sexually active, I was more of a warm body than an active participant. It was more about pleasing my partner than seeking my own pleasure.

And I don’t want that for my daughter.

It’s an uncomfortable thought, but no amount of wishing and praying is going to change the inevitable. At some point, my daughter is going to grow up, meet someone who lights her fire and she’s going to act on those urges. When this happens is a bit more in my control, but there is no “if.” I’d prefer to be proactive. Here are just a few lessons I hope to share with my daughter, about working toward a healthy sex life.

Pleasure goes both ways

It is a crying shame how many women I know who have given birth but have never had an orgasm with a partner. Sex is supposed to feel good for both parties. If you’re laying down with someone who isn’t concerned whether you’re enjoying yourself, run — don’t walk — to the door.

If you can’t ask for what you want, you don’t need to be having sex

This piggybacks off lesson number one. Deciding to become sexually active means you have to be confident enough and mature enough to speak up. If something doesn’t feel good, say something. You have to be mature enough to say to your partner, “Condoms or no sex.” Being able to advocate for yourself — in the bedroom and elsewhere — is part of the deal.

Sex shouldn’t make you feel dirty

Owning your sexuality and being in touch with your body is perfectly healthy. Having sexual desires or wanting to have sex appeal is nothing to be ashamed of. As long you are treating your body with respect and not harming anyone else, your sexuality is nobody’s business but your own.

More on sex education

Middle school sex education is really working
Abstinence-only sex education is a joke
Hey parents, masturbation isn’t pornography

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