Stupid science is trying to tell us kids don't need naps
Researchers wanted to find out what effect naps had on the quality of nighttime sleep for children and the results are annoying, inconvenient and highly stupid.
When my kids were little, the happiest part of the day was nap time. There are many amazing benefits to afternoon nap time, including extra laundry folding time, the ability to finish watching a DVR'd episode of Breaking Bad, the time to enjoy a bowl of ice cream from the carton you have hidden in the back of the freezer that your children don't know about, and one of the greatest results of putting your kids down for an afternoon nap — being able to shower alone without anyone banging on the door and demanding you take apart a Lego guy who has his head lodged in a glob of dried Play-Doh.
Nap time is simply the best time.
But now some jerk researchers, reported in The Daily Mail, want to take this precious time away from us by conducting some study that says:
"They found consistent, but not particularly high quality, evidence indicating that napping beyond the age of two increases the amount of time it takes for a child to fall asleep and shortens the overall amount of night-time sleep."
The study also claims that by the time a child is 2, they are getting most of their sleep at night. I guess hurray for science and all that but have these fancy scientists never been with an overtired 4-year-old in the aisles of Target when a grownup is trying to buy paper towels and the grouchy kid has a total meltdown because they see the toy aisle out of the corner of their eye in the distance? Have they never seen a kid under 5 lose their minds when it's time to leave the park and they are tired and need a nap?
I know, I know, I'm not a scientist but I say we all tell science they can have our nap time, for both kids and adults, when they pry it out of our blankie-clenched fingers. I'm over the age of 5 and even I love nothing more than a cozy afternoon nap. People should be allowed to nap for as long as they want to nap. Sure, your kids may have a more difficult time falling asleep at night but that's why God invented Ambien*.
*You should never, ever give a child Ambien unless directed by your pediatrician. Feel free to put all your Ambien in an envelope and send it to me.