12 Of the most subtly infuriating things your kid will ever do to you
The saying is true: Having kids may be one of the best things you have ever done in your life. But there is another wise saying that rings true about parenthood: No one can drive you crazy like your kids.
I've been parenting two toddler boys for a little over three years, and I am fully aware that I am slowly going crazy. On the one hand, I know that these are the best years of my life and I'm trying to enjoy every moment. On the other hand, I'm fairly sure my kids know what they are doing when they push my buttons.
Some may call it coincidence, but there are 12 specific times when your child will make your blood boil.
1. Ask the same question 21 times in a row without stopping
Any parent can tell you — you wait years for your new baby to talk, and when he finally does, he'll never shut up again.
2. Look you straight in the eye as they throw food on the floor
My kids are so, so good at this one. Every meal I have cooked from scratch has ended up on the floor as my toddler stares me down from his high chair.
3. Insist on eating only carrots for a week and then suddenly change their mind
Now what am I going to do with 3 pounds of carrots? Carrot cake, anyone?
4. Get sick on your birthday
The one day that is all about me, ruined by a bug passed around at day care.
5. Get you sick on your birthday
Laid up in bed with tissues stuffed in my nose is not how I pictured I would spend most birthdays in my 30s. Thanks a lot, kids.
6. Rub their snotty face on your shirt as they give you a hug
How can you be mad when your kids are giving you a hug? It seems even more suspicious when they want to hug you when there isn't any Kleenex around.
7. "Lose" your favorite necklace
My kids have a penchant for dropping things off the porch. Pretty sure every item I've ever loved is under there right now.
8. Only scream when you are on the phone
Here's the scene: Playing quietly with LEGOs all afternoon until the dentist calls to confirm my appointment. In those 30 seconds, I can't hear myself think.
9. Conveniently forget to tell you about homework, cupcakes or another assignment due that day
Safe to say that there has been no kid in the history of ever who has remembered to tell his parent about a deadline on time. Yes, you'll probably be that mom checking out the day-old baked goods rack at Walmart at 2 a.m. at least once in your life.
10. Accidentally deprogram all of your prime-time shows on the DVR
If you make me miss American Idol one more time, there will be hell to pay.
11. Poop in the bath and splash water on you
This is one of the most hated things my children have ever done to me. The worst part is, it has happened more than once. The very worst part is, they think it's hilarious.
12. Slip through your arms like a greased pig after you put lotion on them at bath time
Getting both of my sons to bed after oiling them up at bath time has become a superhuman feat. I never imagined that every evening of my parenting life would be spent trying to catch my slippery kids and throw them into bed.