Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But after days and days of just me and them, Mama needs some alone time. Unfortunately, that’s not as easy to come by as it used to be.
1. The shower
Who cares if the water’s cold? The door is locked and the sound of the water drowns out their shrieking.
2. Grocery shopping
Do I really need to walk down every aisle… twice? Yes, yes I do.
3. Shoveling snow
No, it’s OK, honey; I’ll shovel the driveway. You just stay in here with the kids where it’s warm.
Remember when you thought your daily commute was a giant waste of an hour? Now it’s an hour of non-Disney music with no one screaming from the backseat.
Excuse me. I’m just going to shut myself in this room and fold all the laundry in house.
Please don’t let them find me. At least not for the next 10 minutes.
7. Birthday parties
Let the hostess corral all the crazy kids. All the other moms and I are going to retreat to a distant corner and pretend we didn’t come here with kids for the next hour.
8. The gym
You think I come here for my health? They watch my kids as long as I stay on this thing.
9. Walking the dog
No, we don’t need a fenced-in yard. I really don’t mind walking him 10 times a day, promise.
10. The dentist
I’m laying down in the middle of the day and no one expects me to talk. Nothing else matters.
11. Sick days
I’ve actually felt much better since this morning, but I’m not telling anyone just yet.
There’s a reason I get here before everyone else — and it’s not to be productive.
13. Late at night
I’m tired and I should totally go to bed, but the hours where I can watch adult TV and eat snacks without sharing are so precious.