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10 Things your baby does not need at his first birthday party

It’s the general consensus that a baby’s first birthday party is actually for the parent. Your baby has absolutely no idea what’s going on and probably won’t remember his first smash cake.

On the one hand, I totally get the baby first birthday party obsession. By the time that my oldest son turned 12 months, I felt like I deserved a medal for making it through the first year in one piece. My husband and I threw a big first birthday bash, mostly because we wanted to eat cake and hang out with our friends that we had hardly seen in the past year. Sorry, kid.

There’s nothing wrong with throwing an over-the-top first birthday party for your child, as long as you acknowledge what’s really going on. Your baby won’t remember anything. Luxurious decorations, trendy party rentals and expensive cake are all for you and your friends to enjoy while Junior takes his afternoon nap.

Before you roll out the red carpet, consider 10 warning signs you may have gone too far: 

1. You order a couture party hat

Adorable keepsake or frivolous waste of money? You decide.

2. You build a castle


Image: Celebrate With Balloons

You are clearly an awesome mom who put a lot of time and effort into this first birthday theme, and you truly have my respect. But a 12-month-old will never be impressed by a balloon castle, no matter how epic it is.

3. You buy an ice sculpture

Image: Catch My Party

I know Frozen is still all the rage, but no need to take your party theme so literally. And seeing as I’ve always coveted an elaborate ice sculpture for my own adult birthday, yes, I’m jealous.

4. You rent a pony

Image: Horse and Pony Rides

This cute little guy is only $110 an hour! Totes affordable for a broke new parent.

5. You set up a rainbow-themed candy bar

Image: Kara’s Party Ideas

Must I be the party pooper who points out the obvious? One-year-olds can’t really eat handfuls of candy — choking hazards and such.

6. You set up a baby spa


(, $24)

But how can you get a baby’s skin even more baby soft?

7. You hire a professional photographer

Image: Kara’s Party Ideas

Unless your name ends in “yoncé,” you can document this memorable milestone with an iPhone and Instagram, like everyone else.

8. You have a smash cake fit for a queen

Image: Hostess with the Mostess

You do know that your little princess is going to smash this immediately, right? But I digress.

9. Your cake is covered in bling

The odds are that these jewels are fake, fake, fake, but if they’re not… my judgy face is on.

10. You rent a Ferris wheel

This one takes the cake, unless you happen to be Kim and Kanye celebrating North’s first birthday. If so, rock on with your bad selves.

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