Are you a social media junkie who loves her kids more than breathing? A proud supermom who wants the whole world to know just how brilliant your little darling is? We don’t mind your sharing their school report cards or artwork, but it doesn’t stop at just that, does it, ladies?
Oh no. With the invention of social media in addition to smartphone technology, we’re getting to see everything! And we mean everything, from you with your legs up in stirrups while giving birth, to blood-filled gaps where the first tooth used to be, to even potty training. If you’re not sure whether you fall into the category of being a parent who shares too much information, check out our top 10 signs.
You plan to deactivate your Facebook account before your child is old enough to read it and sue you
Your Facebook page reads like a cyber capsule of shame for your kids. All those moments you found cute and endearing your kids will find humiliating, because you’ve detailed it all, from the colour of the first poo to when your son figured out what a pee-pee is.
You go off like a bombshell if anyone accuses you of over-sharing
Any friend who mentions that you post too much information on Facebook had better run and duck for cover. It’s like waving a red rag at a bull. You’re not backward in telling anyone who doesn’t like it to hit the unfriend button. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. After all, it’s your Facebook page, and you’ll post what you want to.
Nothing is sacred
It’s all on Facebook for the world to see, from the ultrasound images, to little Jemima crowning as she pushes her way into the world in a sea of placenta, along with photos of gaping, bleeding holes where the first tooth has been extracted, statuses detailing the day your daughter asked what the hard lumps on her chest were, through to recounting the discussion on where babies come from.
When your child face-plants, gets stuck headfirst in the back of a chair or has plastered food everywhere, you run for the camera
Your kid screams blue murder in a moment of distress or is decorating the walls with chocolate-covered fingers, and your response is to yell “don’t move” while you frantically rush to find the video camera because it will make a great clip for YouTube.
Your “See Your 2013 Year in Review” on Facebook is nothing but baby photos and updates
Your friends are scratching their heads, trying to remember what you look like, because every single photo is of your little treasure, and every single status update says something along the lines of “Baby had three full diapers today and Mommy barely had any sleep” or “Daddy got peed on tonight while trying to change our little man. Mommy thought it was funny.”
You start a social media account pretending to be your newborn
Harper Estelle has almost 9,000 followers, and she’s not even 2 years old. Daughter to well-known media correspondents Jenna Wolfe and Stephanie Gosk, the baby discusses bodily fluids and tweets embarrassing tales. And these ladies aren’t the only celebs to start tweeting in an infant voice.
You barely recognize your children unless it’s through the lens of a camera or smartphone
Life is about moments, and you’re determined to not miss capturing a single one so you can post it online. You walk around with your phone or camera glued to your face because you’d hate to miss out on a Kodak moment.
You’re a mamarazzi
You moan about your friends and their selfies but have literally hundreds of photos of your baby with captions like, “This is baby with one eye open,” “This is baby with both eyes open,” “This is baby blinking.” There are photos of the first spit-up, the first full nappy, the first bath and even going the Full Monty.
Your news feed has turned into a bragging war
It starts out innocently enough, but you find yourself boasting to friends about what a genius your child is, suggesting your kid is more advanced than theirs. You post milestones, report cards, awards and comments from teachers to prove how wonderful your child is but fail to mention they pitched a devil fit in the middle of the supermarket or graffitied the hallway wall with a crayon.
You hijack your friends’ updates
It doesn’t matter what your friends write on social media; you will find a way to turn it into a conversation about your children. For those with kids, you’ll find yourself unable to resist offering parental advice and telling them how you do things with your children, while seemingly innocent comments from child-free friends about being tired provoke a tirade of “try having kids, then you will know what being tired really means” from you.