Miscarriage is not a topic that’s always openly talked about, but taking the time to grieve is important. If you’ve got a friend who has just had a miscarriage, here are some practical ways you can help.
Call to check in
Let your friend know you’re thinking about her, and call, text or send a message. Don’t be upset if she doesn’t answer right away or even at all.
Talk about her baby
Don’t be afraid to talk with your friend about what happened. Ask if she had named her baby or if a memorial has been planned. Don’t pull back if she cries; you’re not making her sad or reminding her of her loss.
Point your friend to resources on miscarriage and grief after loss for her to read when she’s ready. Many take comfort in talking to others who have experienced miscarriage, and support can be found online, in groups or through talking to a grief counsellor.
People bring food to parents when a new baby is born and they don’t have time to cook. People also bring food to those who have just lost a loved one, since grief can sometimes cut one’s appetite. Cook a meal, and bring it to your friend for her to heat up and eat right away or to freeze for when she needs it.
If you’re not able to be with your friend in person, sending flowers to let her know you’re thinking of her is a great way to help. Include a note, offering your ear if you’re available to talk.
Be mindful of what you say
Most people mean well when trying to comfort a friend who has gone through a miscarriage, but be mindful of what you say. Saying something is always better than saying nothing, but don’t downplay her loss or her situation.
Grief is a funny thing, and if you’ve experienced it in any capacity, you understand that it’s different for each person. There is no timeline for when your friend should “be over it,” and it’s important to be patient as she wades through the grief.