Moms and non-moms: Keeping old friendships alive

Keeping friendships alive after one of you has a baby can be a challenge. But don’t let your relationship fall away!

Mom friends

Try to understand

As a mother of two boys, Laura at Mommy Miracles certainly has her hands full! But she still manages to keep up with friends, regardless of their “mommy status,” by always striving to understand. She explains that although the relationship will have to change after one friend has a baby, the friendship can still stay strong. She stresses how important it is that non-moms understand that a new mom will have new strains on her availability, but that doesn’t change how valuable their friendship is to her. On the other hand, new moms have to accept that friends without children might not want to constantly be in “kid mode.”

Laura advises meeting on “neutral ground” whenever possible. Moms can invite friends over for coffee during nap time, or if the kids are older, you can meet at the park, where the kids will be more easily distracted. By seeking to understand what makes each of you feel valued, you can keep the relationship strong for years to come.

Offer help

When a friend has a baby, many women who don’t have children aren’t entirely sure what to do. They want to show they’re supportive, but don’t know how. Laura suggests the best thing a non-mom can do is simply offer to help. Showing up at a new mom’s door with coffee or a prepared meal will reassure her you care. Offering to fold laundry or help out around the house are also ways to show your support. Laura explains, “Offering help is a great way to ensure you’re the one a new mom will go to when she needs a friend.”

Keep the conversation balanced

It’s important to remember that although a new mom’s life is changing considerably and quickly, you are both still the same people, working to get through lfe and leaning on each other when necessary. So even though as a new mom you could easily talk about every little thing your child has done over the past week, and as a non-mom you could gab about the gossip at work all day long, balance is what’s important. Neither of you wants to feel as though you aren’t being heard and appreciated, so take turns with the updates.

Stick with it

The transition from being friends that go out for drinks once a week to friends that chat while one of you is nursing can be new and confusing for everyone involved. But the fact is you’re still the same people who have been enjoying each other’s company for years. So even though the waters may seem murky to navigate at first, stick with it, and you can ensure your meaningful relationship lasts.

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