There’s nothing more grating than listening to the sound of your child push the same button on the same loud toy at the same time each afternoon. You are not insane, you are just a parent. You need to think outside of the box and look for some quiet toddler toys this Christmas if you want to make it through the next year.
I don’t know about you, but I like my kids best when they are playing quietly like adorable little mimes. Wishful thinking, I know. But there’s something to be said for choosing children’s toys strategically and eliminating loud, flashing toys with high-pitched singing voices whenever you get the chance.
Give your toddler the gift that keeps on giving — one of these quiet toys that won’t drive everyone in your family up the wall.
1. An adorable children’s book
The quietest reader gets a prize. (Amazon, $7)
2. A broken iPod
Hours of unplugged fun for everyone.
3. A cotton ball
I defy anyone to make noise with a wisp of cotton.
4. A DIY portable LEGO kit
Please do not ever board a plane without this — for the sake of all other passengers.
5. A Doodle-Pro
A less jerky alternative to an iPad at a restaurant. (Amazon, $20)
Fabric doesn’t seem very fun to the innocent observer, but remember, it’s all about imagination.
7. A feather
A single feather, because two would be too loud.
8. A few blank faces
Creepy at first glance, until you realize that it buys you hours of quiet drawing time.
9. Finger puppets
Parents swear that these babies are church-approved. (Amazon, $20)
10. Green Toys™ Train
Surprisingly un-clangy because it’s made from 100 percent recycled plastic milk jugs. (GreenToys, $30)
11. A hole puncher
Pairs perfectly with a very quiet piece of paper. (Amazon, $2)
12. Kiddie digital camera
Not gonna lie that I actually want one of these for myself. (Amazon, $51)
13. A muzzle
Only kidding, of course. (Or am I…?) (Amazon, $8)
14. A nativity felt board
Another quiet activity inspired by quiet, quiet church. Thank you, Jesus. (Amazon, $7)
15. A one thousand piece puzzle
You will probably never solve this incredibly complicated adult puzzle, but have fun trying. (Amazon, $14)
16. Paper dolls
Paper dolls are still cool in an incredibly hipster kind of way. And still really quiet. (Amazon, $12)
17. Pipe cleaners and buttons
So quiet yet so complex once kids are past choking age. (Amazon, $8)
18. Sticker book
Stickers are the official antidote to the toddler tantrum. Everybody knows that. (Amazon, $5)
19. The Baby Faces book
Looking into other kids’ faces is surprisingly mesmerizing. (Amazon, $5)
20. The quiet book
The name says it all. (Amazon, $8)