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Toddler gifts that don’t make any noise at all

There’s nothing more grating than listening to the sound of your child push the same button on the same loud toy at the same time each afternoon. You are not insane, you are just a parent. You need to think outside of the box and look for some quiet toddler toys this Christmas if you want to make it through the next year.

I don’t know about you, but I like my kids best when they are playing quietly like adorable little mimes. Wishful thinking, I know. But there’s something to be said for choosing children’s toys strategically and eliminating loud, flashing toys with high-pitched singing voices whenever you get the chance.

Give your toddler the gift that keeps on giving — one of these quiet toys that won’t drive everyone in your family up the wall.

1. An adorable children’s book

Children's book

The quietest reader gets a prize. (Amazon, $7)

2. A broken iPod


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Hours of unplugged fun for everyone.

3. A cotton ball

Cotton ball

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I defy anyone to make noise with a wisp of cotton.

4. A DIY portable LEGO kit

Lego kit


Please do not ever board a plane without this — for the sake of all other passengers.

5. A Doodle-Pro

Doodle Pro

A less jerky alternative to an iPad at a restaurant. (Amazon, $20)

6. Fabric


Image: giphy

Fabric doesn’t seem very fun to the innocent observer, but remember, it’s all about imagination.

7. A feather


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A single feather, because two would be too loud.

8. A few blank faces

Blank faces


Creepy at first glance, until you realize that it buys you hours of quiet drawing time.

9. Finger puppets

Finger puppets

Parents swear that these babies are church-approved. (Amazon, $20)

10. Green Toys™ Train

Green train

Surprisingly un-clangy because it’s made from 100 percent recycled plastic milk jugs. (GreenToys, $30)

11. A hole puncher

Hole punch

Pairs perfectly with a very quiet piece of paper. (Amazon, $2)

12. Kiddie digital camera


Not gonna lie that I actually want one of these for myself. (Amazon, $51)

13. A muzzle


Only kidding, of course. (Or am I…?) (Amazon, $8)

14. A nativity felt board


Another quiet activity inspired by quiet, quiet church. Thank you, Jesus. (Amazon, $7)

15. A one thousand piece puzzle


You will probably never solve this incredibly complicated adult puzzle, but have fun trying. (Amazon, $14)

16. Paper dolls

Paper dolls

Paper dolls are still cool in an incredibly hipster kind of way. And still really quiet. (Amazon, $12)

17. Pipe cleaners and buttons

Pipe cleaners

So quiet yet so complex once kids are past choking age. (Amazon, $8)

18. Sticker book


Stickers are the official antidote to the toddler tantrum. Everybody knows that. (Amazon, $5)

19. The Baby Faces book

Baby faces

Looking into other kids’ faces is surprisingly mesmerizing. (Amazon, $5)

20. The quiet book

Quiet book

The name says it all. (Amazon, $8)

More on holidays

Christmas gifts your kids really want
Scale back on holiday gifts this year
How to make holiday gift giving less stressful

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