As a parent of two toddlers, I am an expert on what small, bite-y people really want. I would bet the deed to my house that your toddler already has a pile of toys in the living room. Don’t waste any more cash on a loud, clanging toy that your child will hardly use. Give your toddler something he will cherish for at least two weeks and wrap up what you have lying around the house.
Every parent knows the Christmas morning cliché: Your toddler would rather play with the box the gift came in than the actual gift itself. Haven’t we learned anything in our age of modern parenting? Isn’t it time we evolved?
Call me coldhearted, but until my kids can link to the present they want on Amazon, I’m all for giving them crap treats I find around the house. Not only does this save me money on unwanted gifts that will soon go to the Goodwill graveyard, but it makes Christmas shopping a breeze.
The mere fact that my toddler begs to sleep with a screwdriver proves my point. Here are 10 everyday objects your toddler would rather have for Christmas.
1. An old wrench
The rustier, the better.
2. A rock
The dirtier, the better.
3. Free swag
Scientific fact: Kids can’t get enough free junk from realtors and dentists. Stuff those stockings with koozies, pens, stickers and non-chokeable refrigerator magnets.
4. Your socks
Kids don’t want to sleep in their own socks — they want to sleep in your giant socks worn as knee socks. See the difference?
Hours and hours of free shredding fun.
What is better than a box of brand new toys, you ask? A full box of recyclables ready to go to the curb.
7. Dog food
Toddlers past the age of eating dog food still want to touch it. All the time.
8. Paper towel roll
If you buy your toddler a real plastic sword instead of a used paper towel roll, you’re a chump.
9. Uncooked rice
Your toddler doesn’t want to eat the rice — he wants to touch it and spread it around the kitchen floor, for hours and hours and hours.
Toddlers really, really, really love water. Pour some in a cup or a shallow bucket and blow the $50 you would have spent on toys on a new mop. Genius.