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16 Reasons to blow your Starbucks budget on your kids 

Do kids need bandages with bacon on them? Of course not. Are you going to buy them anyway, because they’re awesome? Yes.

Last year I quit drinking coffee. It saves me dozens of dollars a month. Instead of sticking that money in my piggy bank for a surprise pedicure, or you know, college, I end up blowing it on impulse buys like these after going down the rabbit hole at This is Why I’m Broke.

Spaceship raft

Spaceship raft |

The answer is always spaceship raft. We’re supposed to be cutting down on screen time, right? This is what I’ll tell myself when I’m nailing my kid with a water gun while yelling “pew pew!” (Amazon, $49)

Die-cast DeLorean

Diecast DeLorean |

If you’re not excited about a tiny time machine, we can’t be friends. (This is Why I’m Broke, $49)

Prison jumpsuit onesie

Prison jumpsuit onesie |

Please tell me a prison jumpsuit onesie isn’t as weird as a Fifty Shades of Grey onesie. Because I want to send one to every pregnant friend of mine. (Bloomingdale’s, $28)

Kid’s drawing turned into a doll

Kid's drawing turned into a doll |

I mostly want to order one of these custom dolls to see if they can recreate one of my son’s masterpieces that involve stick figures dying horribly in lava. (Doodle Your Toy, $65)

Cupcake toothpaste

Cupcake toothpaste |

Maybe this sugary toothpaste will help end the nightly battle over tooth brushing. My kids might like it too. (Amazon, $6)

Captain America nightlight

Captain America nightlight |

I like to pretend this Captain America nightlight happened because Steve Rogers chucked his shield at the wall before shucking his clothes. Which is why I might install it in my room. (Amazon, $41)

Jousting logs

Jousting logs |

Next time my kids start hurtling themselves at each other and every sharp furniture corner in my home, I’m throwing them in the pool with these jousting logs. (Amazon, $24)

Clear putty

Clear putty |

This clear putty is awesome, and it also resolves the problem of finding endless pieces of dull pink gooey crap all over my house for months after my kids play with traditional putty. (Vat 19, $15)

Pencils that turn into plants

Pencils that turn into plants |

These cool pencils can be upcycled into plants, including vegetables. I’m 100 percent more excited about this than my kids are. (Amazon, $20)

Massive E.T. doll

Massive E.T. doll |

Just kidding, this enormous E.T. doll is legitimately the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen online. (Amazon, $750)

Mini donut maker

Mini donut maker |

Now the kids can make the donuts. That’s why you had them, right? (Amazon, $125)

Beaver pencil sharpener

Beaver pencil sharpener |

This is an excellent pencil sharpener. They’ll get why Mommy’s laughing when they’re older. (Amazon, $65)

Play-Doh 3-D printer

Play-Doh 3-D printer |

Kids can get in on 3-D printing action with Play-Doh and an iPad. Okay, apparently this is fake. But just imagine the kind of obscene things parents would try to to 3-D print as soon as the kids went to bed. (Think Geek, $50)

Enormous Jenga blocks

Enormous Jenga blocks |

Sure, kids will love these giant Jenga blocks. But they’ll be an even bigger hit next time you have adult friends over on the patio for cocktails. (Amazon, $160)

Underwear gloves

Underwear gloves |

I’m over Captain Underpants after having 3 billion passages read to me. But these underwear gloves are still funny. (Amazon, $10)

Bacon bandages

Bacon band-aids |

These bacon bandages are equal parts cute and delicious — just like your kids. (Amazon, $5)

More products for kids

Bulletproof blankets aren’t a crazy idea
9 Must-have gadgets for kids with autism
Are electronics really educational?

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