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10 Terrible Fifty Shades of Grey products for your baby

Fifty Shades of Grey resulted in an epic baby boom. Now we’re seeing a boom of smut-inspired gear for… babies.

Love Fifty Shades of Grey? If you’re brave — and lack what I like to call “social discernment” — you can bedeck your bundle of joy in these BDSM-inspired baby items. Since that’s not weird or anything.

Shout out to the baby boom

50 Shades onesie |

Cut right to the chase with this onesie that quickly explains your child’s birthdate. (Etsy, $14)

Nice, subtle block letters

50 Shades bib |

This bib stays away from cursive lettering so people can see what you were really up to nine months ago. (Dinosaur Bibs, $10)

Keeping it classy

50 Shades onesie |

The handcuffs on this matter-of-fact onesie are particularly refined. (PsychoBabyOnline, $26)

Reality check onesie

50 Shades onesie |

At least this one seems a little more true to real life. Gross, though. (eBay, $16)

Look, a little Mr. Grey!

50 Shades onesie |

The tiny, baby-sized tie is a nice touch on this version. It’s fun to think about your baby growing up into Christian Grey, right? (Skreened, $22)

Let’s call this onesie what it actually is

50 Shades onesie |

I love love love that this onesie is actually called a “creeper.” Spot on. (Inktastic, $9)

Sexy pacifier

50 Shades pacifier |

I’m so confused by this pacifier. But in case you’re not and you think your baby needs a sexy pacifier, have at it. (Zazzle, $10)

Totally appropriate printables

50 Shades printable |

Since baby showers = bondage, why not go with a Fifty Shades of Grey theme? Check out these printables that broadcast your baby is part of the “Grey Generation.” (Etsy, $2)

Too much information

50 Shades onesie |

Babies aren’t a billboard for your sexual fantasies, ladies. You can want Mr. Grey, but please don’t broadcast it on a TMI-onesie. (Cafe Press, $18)

For all those literary hipsters

50 Shades onesie |

Speak the truth, moms, with this onesie that calls out the tragedy of literary devolution — while still referencing pop culture, since you’re totally cool. (CafePress, $22)

And on that note, “Laters, Baby.”

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