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Your most embarrassing toddler stories

Toddlers sure are cute, but they also know how to make their parents squirm with embarrassment. Here are our favorite cringe-worthy toddler stories from moms who have been there and done that.

Cute toddler

Anatomically incorrect

“We were at the grocery store and my 3-year-old began staring at a stranger standing nearby. She very loudly said, ‘Mommy, does that person have a penis or a vagina?’ To be fair, I really couldn’t tell either.”

“My family was playing at a public pool, and one of my young toddlers made a friend with another woman in the pool. This woman was very well-endowed. As she was holding my toddler, he reached out with both hands and squeezed while saying, ‘Wow, you have really big things!'” — Both stories from Elizabeth, mother of five

Sesame Street knowledge

“I was out in public with my son one day when a very large and very hairy man approached my son to say hello. That’s when Ethan said, ‘go away, cookie monster!’ It’s funny now, but definitely not at the time!” — Megan, mother of two

Grocery store mishaps

“I took my 2-year-old daughter to the grocery store with me, which is a daring move in and of itself. She was sitting in the cart and happily playing with a toy when I looked away to grab crackers off the shelf. When I turned back around, my daughter was chewing a hole in a roll of ground turkey meat, with freaking blood dribbling down her face and chin. I was horrified and tried to clean her up as onlookers gawked. Thank God she didn’t get salmonella—I called a family member who is a doctor and he just laughed and laughed at me.” — Katherine, mother of one

Potty humor

“My 19-month-old son was potty training when I had to take him into a public restroom. The restroom was packed with people. When it was time for me to take my turn, he started yelling, ‘Mommy pooping! Monster stinky poop!’ For the record, as a boy, if you sit you must be pooping.” — Barbara, mother of one

Toys aren’t for tots

“I was talking in the living room with other church moms when my young son walked downstairs and asked, ‘Mommy, can I play with your handcuffs?’ He had found a stash of toys I use with my husband!” — Corie, mother of five

From the mouths of babes

“My daughter went with my mother to a hair salon one day when I was at work. After getting a new haircut, an older lady who is friends with my mom approached my daughter and asked her if she liked the new style. My daughter said, ‘Your haircut is pretty but your face is really ugly!’ Oh my gosh, I just about died when I heard the story. Thank goodness I wasn’t there at the time.” — Sarah, mother of three

More about babies and toddlers

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Baby food pouches: Are they really harmless?
DIY nursery decor: Ceiling puffs

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