While it is extremely necessary to be honest in your relationship, your goal should never be to hurt your spouse’s feelings. It’s OK to keep a few secrets from your husband — and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it!
We’ve all heard that communication is key to having a successful marriage, and while this is true, there are certain things that you don’t necessarily need to be communicating with your husband (unless, of course, he directly asks). While you should never flat-out lie, does he really need to know you spent five hours at the mall with your friend when he was at work? Or that you think your new boss is a Brad Pitt lookalike? Probably not. Some secrets, like these four, are best kept as they should be — a secret.
“I don’t like your [insert physical feature]”
If there’s a physical feature about your husband that you don’t like, and that he can’t change, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Telling your husband that you wish he was taller, less hairy or more muscular isn’t going to do him (or you) any good. Instead, focus on the good qualities your husband possesses. Tell him you love how he looks in a certain shirt, or that you wear his T-shirts to bed because you crave his scent. If you want your husband to be more muscular, suggest joining a gym together. Insulting your husband on things he can’t (or won’t) change is just going to push him away.
Things you dislike about their family or friends
When you get married, your spouse’s family becomes yours and so do their friends. This is not always a good thing, but it’s important to try to keep any negative thoughts to yourself. Just because you don’t approve of his brother’s partying habits doesn’t mean you need to complain about it. If something is really bothering you, bring it up nicely to your husband, being careful not to be insulting. The last thing you want to do is put your husband between his wife and his friends or family.
Things your ex did that he doesn’t
This is a huge no-no! It’s easy when you’re mad to start making comparisons, but it won’t solve the problem and it only leaves your spouse with hurt feelings. Of course your ex had some qualities you liked (you did date them, after all), but so does your spouse! If you liked that your ex always planned a date night once per week and that’s something your spouse rarely does, start planning a date night yourself or mention your needs to your spouse, leaving your ex completely out of the conversation.
That you don’t think the sex is all that great
If your spouse told you this, you would be crushed — guaranteed. Sex is what you make of it. If it’s not as fulfilling or as fun as you want, communicate your needs to your spouse or show him exactly what it is you like. Complaining to him that “the sex isn’t good” won’t fix anything. How is he supposed to make it better on his own? He can’t — he needs your guidance. Remember, you two are a team and it’s your job to lift each other up. Comparisons and complaining will never improve a marriage.
Secrets you should never keep from your husband
Since marriage is based on trust, there are certain things you should never keep from your husband. These include:
- Your spending habits. He will find out, so it’s best to be open from the get-go about finances.
- Feeling differently about your relationship. Your relationship will have ups and downs, but if you truly are feeling disconnected and different towards your spouse, speak up! Suggest seeing a counselor or spending more time together, just the two of you.
- Your past. Though you don’t need to divulge every detail, your past plays a big part in who you are today. Be open and willing to share these events with your spouse.
What secrets do you keep from your husband? Share in the comments below!