How to move past your bedroom hang-ups

Aug 6, 2012 at 8:00 a.m. ET

Not everyone is completely uninhibited and ready for anything in the bedroom. Sexual hang-ups come in all shapes and sizes, from lack of confidence to stress about stripping down for a new person.

Couple talking about sex

Whatever your issues are, there are some simple but effective ways to move past stress and enjoy sex.

Talk about it

The best person to talk about sex with is the person you’re actually having it with. But if you’re not quite ready to open up about what’s bothering you, we still suggest you spill to someone you trust. Talk to a close friend, your sister or anyone you feel comfortable dishing about sex with. The more you talk about sex, the more you’ll realize that the hang-ups you have are likely more common than you realize. Plus, getting things off your chest makes moving past them a whole lot easier.


It’s really difficult to enjoy sex if you’re stressed out or thinking about other things (whether he likes you, if you spent enough time at the gym this week or if he’s enjoying himself). The less you’re caught up in what’s going on in your head, the better your experience will be. Try to clear your mind and only focus on exactly what’s happening. In other words: Be in the moment. Every time you feel yourself over-thinking something, take a deep breath and refocus on the here and now.

Take baby steps

Whatever you’re trying to do, whether it’s feel more confident in the buff or get a little more adventurous between the sheets, takes time and no one expects you to change overnight. But you can take small steps toward your goal as a way to get where you want to be without too much pressure. Do one thing every day that gets you a little bit closer to your goal and away from your hang-up.

Focus on fun

As serious as it can seem sometimes, sex is supposed to be fun. We’re not saying you should be rolling off the bed in a fit of laughter every time you have sex, but there should be an element of fun in the proceedings. Do yourself a favor and stop taking things so seriously. Laugh at yourself, laugh at him, laugh together! Sex can be messy and awkward but that’s OK. The less seriously you take what happens, the more you’ll enjoy whatever happens.

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