How to date a musician
It’s a fact that our careers affect many aspects of our romantic relationships. We can learn a lot from dating people with different occupations.
What does a doctor know about bedside manner? What's it like to date on a fireman's schedule? In this series, I explore how careers influence the way real couples relate to one another.
Cristina Peerenboom, fitness pro and co-founder of Pound Rockout WorkoutTM, shared what it’s like to date her boyfriend, touring musician Stefan Litrownik (drummer for The Bellrays, Billy Ray Cyrus and currently on tour with Kelley James).
SheKnows: You’re dating a drummer. Why do you think musicians are so irresistible?
Cristina: A musician is throwing attraction right in your face. Mastering a craft and executing it on a visible platform is infectious and so attractive. There’s something to, ‘Hey, look at me! I’m talented. I work hard. I’m successful.’ And, of course, great rhythm and great hands. Ha!
SheKnows: So are the stereotypes true? Does having a drummer for a boyfriend really doom you to a life of fending off groupies and lots of time away from one another?
Cristina: For the most part, I feel like the stereotypes are true. The road gets lonely and there’s lots of opportunity to mess it up. Stefan knows the value of having something stable -- that it actually feels better to be in a nurturing relationship. It was definitely a challenge to my own self-confidence to understand and trust that. I thought, 'What am I getting myself into?' But, he’s a respectful and considerate human being. If he wasn’t, this would be a nightmare.
I also think that, sometimes, successful people pair up with a submissive person to mimic their fan base. Whereas, we both haul ass in our own respects. Neither of us is mesmerized by the glamorous aspects of touring. We don’t nitpick. We have our own intense, sleep-deprived lives.
SheKnows: Yes! You two have a lot in common when it comes to hectic schedules. You travel across the country with countless press appearances for POUND while he’s on tour, too. Any tips for couples whose work requires them to spend time apart?
Cristina: The real obstacle we keep running into is that the time we spend together is fragmented and limited by default, so we might not catch each other in the best light. We’ve learned that when going through stressful times, just being aware that your tone of voice affects the other person’s feelings is important. It helps you manage your stress too, because you’ve got to calm down a little bit for the other person.
Also, we’ve got to be super conscious of the time we have to talk and bond. So, beyond dates, even when just doing nothing together, we put down the phone and implement things like "text free Sunday" so we can avoid diluting the time or letting our own technology ADD ruin things.
SheKnows: So if the musician stereotypes are true, is there anything that surprised you about dating a drummer?
Cristina: I was definitely surprised by how calm he is in general. I think that because he’s had to exert so many high-caliber performances under the most stressful circumstances, he knows how to keep cool. He calms me down. I was surprised that any guy in general can be that relaxing and comforting to be around.