3 Things to avoid after a summer breakup

Aug 1, 2012 at 12:00 p.m. ET

Breakups are hard to deal with and they can make even the most well-adjusted people do things they might regret later. Summer breakups? Those can be even harder to handle. While you’re allowed to be angry, upset and frustrated (at least for a little while), we do strongly advise against any of the following post-breakup temptations.

Sad woman after breakup

Frequenting his favorite spots hoping to see him

Before you decide to start getting your morning iced latte at his favorite cafe (all the way across town) just to increase the chances of casually running into him, think about how this will make you look. Doing something like that (even if it seems perfectly sane at the time) will just make you look desperate. More importantly, if you do see him, what do you hope will happen? Chances are it will be an awkward encounter and he likely won’t immediately drop his coffee and beg you to take him back (as you might have hoped).

The best thing you can do is stay away from him and all the places that remind you of him or that he spends a lot of time in. Allow yourself time to get over him and move on rather than dragging things out.

Blowing off your BFFs in favor of wallowing

Getting dumped is not ideal. OK, it really sucks -- especially in the summer when you’re supposed to be having fun. And we know some self-pity and a few nights in with the television and a tub of ice cream are in order, but eventually you’re going to have to emerge from your couch sanctuary and re-enter the real world. Your girlfriends are the ones who can help you move on and start feeling normal again. If they’re trying to get you out of the house to do something fun, say yes! Blowing them off and continuing to wallow will only draw out the despair you feel. Let them help you. They’re there for you, so use them to help you get over the breakup.

Bugging his friends for updates on him

What you need to move on is a clean break, not a daily update on how your ex is doing. The more you know about how well he’s doing post-breakup, the worse you’re going to feel. This includes looking at his Facebook page and hacking his email if you still know the password (and he hasn’t changed it). Along with digitally stalking, resist the urge to ask his friends how he is. We know you want to hear that he’s having just as hard a time as you, but he may also be doing fine. The less you know about his current life, the better. Move on without allowing the pull of your ex to hold you back.

More about breakups

Are you ready to move on? 4 No-fail ways to tell
Use Pinterest to get over a breakup
6 Things to do instead of texting your ex