Love Happy: Getting your way with a boy
Welcome to Love Happy, where we help you successfully navigate the ups and downs of relationship life and share simple tips for keeping love fun, fresh and on track. In this installment, we look at tricks of the trade when it comes to getting your guy to see things your way.
How to get what you want
Getting your way in a relationship is a fine art. When arguments crop up about things like where to go on vacation, what color to paint the living room and whether that cool new living room set is a better use of savings than a state-of-the-art BBQ (that actually looks more like a space ship than something that grills meat), there are a few effective methods for getting your guy to see things your way. Besides, who needs a giant grilling machine when you can get a super-cute couch that complements your decor perfectly? Want to get your way? Here's how.
Be subtle and don't whine
The worst thing you can do when you want your man to agree with you is to launch a full-on assault. Yelling and accusing will get you nowhere – other than possibly in a huge fight with your guy. The key is to get him to listen to your side of the story and why you think your way makes more sense. He won't listen if you're talking down to him, raising your voice (which will just put him on the defensive) or worst of all – whining. Whining as a way to get your guy to see things from your point of view is a big no-no. It just makes you sound immature and let's face it; no one likes a whiner. I admit stooping to this level on more than one occasion, when I can't be bothered to come up with a good argument, but trust me when I tell you it doesn't work.
Present your argument in stages
Part of being subtle means not laying all your cards on the table right away. Instead, casually bring up a few reasons why you're right (and Italy for a week is a far better vacation option than Vegas) every day or every couple of days until he starts to soften. Don't make a big deal about it either – just drop little tidbits into the conversation as if you were merely discussing the weather. The goal here is to slowly get him interested in that romantic trip to Italy or the fact that getting a puppy would be pretty amazing, rather than slamming him with so much information that he gets a headache just trying to listen to you. This worked for me when I wanted to get a kitten – over several days of casually showing him cute pics of kittens online, briefly mentioning friends who'd recently got pets and (half) jokingly tossing around potential cat names – he was on my side. For the record our cat's name is Arthur and he's adorable.
Focus on why it's good for him
One of the best ways to make sure your guy starts to see things your way is to focus on why it's good for him. It's easy to tell him all the ways it will benefit you and why you want do something, but what's in it for him? If you can convince him that whatever it is you're angling for – be it a puppy, a trip or a new washer/dryer will make his life easier or better – he'll be on your side in no time. It may take some convincing, but once he believes that he's the one who will benefit, he'll be like putty in your hands.