Improve communication with your man

Jul 24, 2010 at 8:48 p.m. ET

Exasperated? Oh, no -- you’re way beyond that. You’re into aggravated, and bumping right up against angry. But your man doesn't know why because you haven't told him. Not to worry, SheKnows is here to help: Learn ways to to improve communication with your man today!

Improving Communication

A woman's intuition

If your man groans that he's had a rough day and feels tight, you rush right over to massage his shoulders. If you groan that your feet ache, he tells you not to wear platform heels.

If he frowns when he reaches for his favorite T-shirt, and instead wears another, you look to see what the problem was, find the hole and fix it. You can reach for your favorite blouse, wrinkle your nose at the stain, sigh, wad it up, toss it across the room and he'll breeze out, "Bye, Hon, see ya later," without missing a beat.

Men are like mars

Why can't he take a hint and rub your feet when they ache? Why can't he see your distress over the blouse and offer to take it to the cleaners or surprise you with a new one? After all these months or years, why doesn't he just "know" what you want?

Because he's not your girlfriend. Or any girl, for that matter. Men aren't wired the way we are -- literally. Both biologically and culturally, men are wired to protect and provide. We are wired to tend and befriend. We're the relationship tenders, and as a result, we're very good at reading and responding to emotional cues.

He's not. That's why most men look helpless when asked to take care of an infant. They don't pick up on the non-verbal cues that are practically second nature to us. It's the same with "women's intuition." Men have plenty of intuition, too, but woman are more comfortable and practiced at sensing and using it.

He's not going to pick up on your sighs, frowns or hints on any regular basis. Get over it. He's a guy. You love his guy-ness, so don't hold it against him. Learn to ask.

Just ask

It's that simple. Ask, and he will deliver. No, not always, but certainly more often. "Honey, please rub my feet" with a liberal dose of "Thank you! That felt fantastic. You are so good to me" is likely to get you that rub. Saying "Honey, my birthday is coming up. I would love a new blouse" may sound as attractive as getting your teeth drilled, but it will work.

Especially if you help by showing him the blouse you'd like...

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