Some say the best way to break up with someone is by being honest. I beg to differ. In some instances, honesty is the best policy. In others – whether the boy is super nice or he’s crazy horrible – it’s best to employ the ideal tactic so you come out bigger, stronger and feeling fab.
So when is it better to be honest with your reason or when to make something up to spare his feelings? Should you do it quick like a bandage or should you drag it out an make him break up with you? Just pick Breakup level and go.
Breakup level: Super-Gentle
Who applies: If he’s a nice guy but is doing something weird that turns you off.
The best approach is to lie through your teeth. I know what you’re thinking – this isn’t right, but would you rather tell that man the truth and make him insecure for life? That’s a hard thing to do and something that you may not want on your conscience. If the reason for you wanting a breakup is nothing major but you know it would hurt his feelings to find out, just have a heart to heart with him and tell him that you’re not ready and he doesn’t deserve you he’s so amazing. I realize this is the infamous “it’s not you, it’s me approach,” but he’ll appreciate you for it in the long run.
Breakup level: Gentle
Who applies: If he’s an okay guy and you don’t have a real reason, you just aren’t into him.
Why go with the gentle approach, you ask? Well, it’s simple – if you don’t have a valid reason and you’d prefer not to have to explain why you’re breaking up with said guy. It beats the awkward conversation, that’s for sure. In this case, I’d talk to him face to face or over the phone and say something like, “I like you but it’s just not the right time.” Boiling it down to timing will make him sad, sure – after all, it is a missed opportunity – but he’ll get over it in time.
Breakup level: Neutral
Who applies: If neither you or him are not emotionally invested in this relationship.
This is when modern-day technology comes in. If you haven’t been dating this guy long and you know neither you or he are attached to each other (you haven’t formed that special bond where you’d miss him if he were gone), you can do the illustrious e-mail. You can either go with a long explanation, detailing why the relationship is just not happening. Or, you can write a quick line of reason. At either case, because neither of you are invested in coupledom with each other, this should go so smooth that he may even become a friend later on.
Breakup level: Mean
Who applies: If he stands you up or does weird things that annoy you.
Say this guy is a big cheapo and you end up picking up the tab more often than not or he makes plans and flakes, that’s how you know it’s time to institute a little “mean.” It sounds harsh, I know, but he deserves to be taught a little bit of a lesson being as dating dyslexic as he is. So this is what you do: talk to him face to face and tell him exactly how you feel (mention all of his faults because he deserves to know and you owe it to yourself to sound off). The honesty will be brutal – but in a good way.
Breakup level: Super-mean
Who applies: If he is just an unbelievably horrible date or does something so appalling you wish him the worst.
So what do you do if the guy you’re dating is so disrespectful you don’t wish to see him again? Text him something short, not at all sweet and to the point. If he is two-timing and lying about it, for instance, send him this message (of course after explaining why you’re breaking up with him): “This is so not my style. I’m no longer interested. I feel sorry for you and the next woman you date.” Okay, so that’s way harsh, but you know what, that man had it coming. If he texts you back, don’t even read it. Just delete it before you see a single word. Looking at it may hurt your feelings, make you feel guilty or start an all-out text war. Refrain, be the better person and move on.
After the break up
How to be a happy single
Love coach Carolin Dahlman discusses ways to be a happy with your single status.
More breakup tips
4 Signs to tell if your boyfriend is a loser
10 Signs you should dump him by New Year’s
Breaking up: Ways to cut your losses and move on