The drama. The agony. The stress. Let’s face it, at some point or another, we may be self-inflicting harm of the emotional kind. You know it, ladies: The type of harm where perhaps you’re in a bad friendship or a toxic relationship. In essence, you know deep down it ain’t good yet you keep coming back for more. Like our iconic heroine, Carrie Bradshaw, takes note in Sex and the City: The Movie: When it comes to certain relationships (ahem, Mr Big) she’s an “emotional cutter” by inflicting self-harm. The question is though — are you one too?
S T A R T H E R E !
Your husband/boyfriend/significant other cancels plans at the last minute because his team is in the playoffs. What do you do?
- Shrug it off and meet up with him afterwards. After all, he has been following his team all year!
- Text message and call him to see how he’s doing not realizing, after the third text, that he doesn’t respond.
- I do what any diva would do: I make plans with the girls — ladies night out, anyone?
One of your gal pals not only talks behind your back, now she’s playing nice and wants to take you out to lunch for your birthday. What do you do?
- Go with her — she’s sweet to think of me.
- Go with her — I’m only in it for the free lunch though.
- As if! Next questionâ€¦.
You run into your ex at the grocery store and as much torment he put you through, he confesses amidst the produce aisle that he’s been thinking about you. What is your response?
- “I suppose we can get coffee and talk it over. I’ve been thinking about you, too.”
- “Um, I suppose but you said some really cruel things to me but I’d still be willing to hear what you have to say.”
- “Yeah, right.”
After your last girls trip to Vegas you vowed to never hang out with one of your gal pals again. She’s self-centered, spoiled, and well, she just found out she’s going back there on an all-expense paid business trip and invited you along. How do you handle it?
- Free trip? I am there!
- Book it but strategically plan some time at a spa so you can have your own “me” time
- Not in a million years.
Despite many breakups and cry fests (not to mention nights with Ben & Jerry), your beau has decided once and for all to call it quits. What is your reaction?
- Alright, he may be thinking he’s just not that into me right now, but like all the other times he’ll be back. And I’ll be right here waiting.
- Hmmm, could this really be it? I’ll start seeing other people but deep down he knows he’ll be back.
- Free at last!
Your recent house guest not only broke a dish and forgot to feed your dog while you were at work, she calls to say she’ll be in town again soon and wants to stay at your place. How do you handle it?
- I suppose I have no choice, right? I’ll just make sure to tell her I have fine china and to be careful this time.
- I guess I’ll just deal with it but let her know it can’t be for an entire week this time.
- Buh-bye, that’s how I’ll handle it. I’ll give her some numbers of a nearby hotel so she can come and go as she pleases.
- One of your friends never seems to have any cash so for the umpteenth time she’s asked you to spot her twenty bucks at the movie theater. What is your reaction?
- Sure, no problem. I’ll add it to her tab and someday soon when she finally has a stable full-time job she can pay me back.
- I’ll give her ten instead since these twenties keep adding up!
- This may be a free country but it’s not a freebie night out! Sorry, babe, this night’s on you.
Let’s face it, your beau is in love. He thinks you’re hot diggity (smart man!). But alas, he can’t say the word love. Bottom line: he can’t commit. What do you do?
- I’m in looooooooooove with him, too. I’m a smitten kitten. He’ll come around, I know he will. If not now, well, definitely in the future.
- He has a lot of things going on in his life right now with a hectic job. He’ll say it. Eventually.
- Run, do not walk into the next relationship. If he can’t commit now, he never will.
When it comes to relationships, fill in the blanks. I am ______:
- Optimistic yet grounded for the most part.
- A no BS type of gal.
Your on-again/off-again man just drunk dialed you to say that he misses you. Again. What is your response?
- Awwww, how sweet of him to think of me during poker night.
- He’s thoughtful yet keep in mind, he’s also slurring. Hmmmmâ€¦
- Talk to me when your sober.
H O W D I D Y O U S C O R E ?
While you’re a very forgiving person — and compassionate at that — it’s important to look out for number one. Repeat after me: “I am not a doormat. No, really I am not a doormat.” Tendencies, like our Miss Carrie, are to keep coming back for more even when we get jilted. The key here is to remain your sense of hopefulness and non-jadedness while not getting walked all over.
You’re like a fine wine, getting better with age. Sure, life experiences have made you pretty wise to know your relationships inside and out. While you’re optimistic and may think men like Big really can commit someday, you’re also real and grounded. Deep down you think you should still keep an eye out for the next sweet Aidan to come along.
You’re so not an emotional cutter, girlfriend. If anything, you’re just the opposite. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. You can see a train wreck a mile away but just be sure you’re not too cynical or skeptical that you don’t give some people the benefit of the doubt sometime based on the situation, â€˜k?