You know you wanted it once upon a time. You know you had a good reason for buying that black suspender-corset thingy that’s gathering dust at the back of your closet. But since you became a mom, your enthusiasm for sex has dwindled to folding the laundry levels, right? And who can blame you?
You’re tired (to put it mildly). You’re afraid of getting knocked up again too soon. You may have some uh, issues with your post-baby body. Your days are already filled with vile bodily fluids. And you may be feeling more than a little resentful that romance from your husband has been reduced to a nightly 10pm Shoulder Tap.
But are you not, somewhere within the sleep-deprived haze of your new identity as mother, still a woman who wants and deserves a good sex life? Hell yes! So why not give yourself a little present and reclaim your sexuality. Do it for yourself, not for your husband. Haul yourself far enough out of the Mommy vacuum to think about what it would really take to get you in the mood again.
Need some help? Here’s a few ideas to get you started:
Strike while the iron (psst, that’s you, Honey) is hot
When you take the initiative, you have sex on your terms, when you want it. You feel less like a rabbit in a cage waiting for your husband to make his move. Just getting into a take-charge mode can actually make you feel sexier, too.
Damn you, Martha Stewart! The pursuit of household perfection leaves most of us with no energy for anything fun. So cut class occasionally. No more Miss Goody Two Shoes who always puts the dishes away before bedtime.
Tell your husband what matters to you
Most men don’t understand how much mothering upends our sex drives. Tell your husband that verbal communication will always work better than a paw on the shoulder. Let him know that a little romance goes a long way. He can bring back a taste of the hunt every now and again, even though he’s already bagged himself a deer (aka: you).
Escape (with your husband) when you can
We know of no faster way to get out of Mommy Mode than a hotel with clean sheets and room service.
Put it in your planner
Let’s face it: The days of spontaneous “take me now on the kitchen table” sex are over. If you want to have quality sex and reduce fears about another pregnancy, you have to plan for it.
Night time may not be the right time
Don’t underestimate the importance of timing. Sex at the end of a long day can feel more like a chore than an opportunity. Think early morning or lunchtime rendezvous if you can swing it.
The old dog’s old tricks
Why not try the things that used to work? A steamy book, sexy underwear, going to bed naked, flirting tastefully with other men, or not-so-tastefully with your husband. That girl-you-used-to-be may not be so long-gone after all.