. . . And if all else fails?, Part 4
What to do when you've tried everything and your relationship still seems to be failing.
Stepping into the therapy arena must be done with love and an attitude of expectancy for positive results. Having an open mind is a good idea. When you love someone and have a desire to work things out, it is essential to put your ego aside and do what must be done.
Therapists are trained to assist you in moving beyond the anger, resentment and criticism to acceptance, forgiveness, understanding and the fulfillment of mutual needs. Therapists have no magic answers, only helpful questions and a few suggestions offered as possibilities for choices. They can assist you by asking questions that lead you to discover your own answers that point out how these needs can mutually be met. In therapy, a wise counselor will not take sides with either love partner. They are not there to judge or give advice, but rather to help identify the problems and initiate an inquiry that both sides can participate in to reach their own healthy conclusions.
Therapy can effectively move you through the paralysis that problems with money, sex, family issues and many other issues cause in a relationship when you let them. You will be encouraged to listen to what your love partner has to say; to really listen. This is not a time to continue arguing about; it is a time to listen for what's missing in the relationship.
Obviously, both love partners have differing opinions. Part of the therapist's task is to help you find the common ground from which you both can begin to rebuild or repair your love relationship. Both love partners must be motivated to preserve the relationship.
Enrolling in therapy to seek questions re-enrolls you in your love relationship. It requires getting back to the basics. You get active in the relationship with yourself. You become excited about what you are learning about you and who you are becoming. For me, this style of therapy suggests that we already know what must be done and we have but to discover this Truth through individual inquiry. A skilled therapist or relationship coach can assist you in getting to the heart of the matter. I value this lofty ideal for the Truth it is. It will always set you free. . . often in more ways than one.
Therapy personal relationship coaching promotes lasting personal development. You remember most and cherish most dearly that which you discover on your own. You begin to see some possibilities. You discover a zest for living. You become excited about life once again! Therapy is truly an adventure in self-discovery. Achieving this state takes diligent effort, a commitment to be your best and a strong belief in the benefits of the desired results, both to you and to your love partner.
You feel the need to share your personal discovery with anyone who will listen. . . perhaps even your love partner. Isn't that a novel idea? It's like giving away love as fast as you receive it. What you give has a profound effect on what you receive.
Putting more love into the relationship, in most cases, will create more love in return. Love is the answer to all questions. I have discovered that my universe works best when I acknowledge and am grateful for the Truth of this Divine idea.
Egos aside, a common excuse for not going to a professional therapist is money. Some insurance policies will cover part, if not all, of your investment in therapy. If you have no insurance, find a way! Therapy doesn't cost. . . it pays. To obtain the rewards of therapy may require sacrifice. Giving up something in favor of having your relationship work demonstrates your commitment to it.
Healing and growth take time. Remember, infants want things now. Mature love partners can wait. Building healthy love relationships is a never-ending process. Don't rush things. Patience is required.
Another thought. Often counseling is considered as a last resort. After talking with friends, relatives, a medical doctor or spiritual leader, and sometimes anyone who will listen, many often feel they are at the end of the proverbial rope. There is nowhere to turn. They come to therapy after exhausting all hope.
In some cases they come to therapy to validate their own idea that they truly may be incompatible. The unfortunate thing is, if you wait until you reach this point, it could be too late. It is rarely too late if the commitment to spiritual and personal growth is present.
Preventative maintenance is also a good idea. This can serve as a wonderful tool for supporting love partners in a healthy love relationship. It is wise to review and assess your relationship at regular intervals.
Attend workshops and seminars. Read books designed to have love partners working together to foster the restoration of integrity in love relationships, unconditional love, better understanding, forgiveness, acceptance and all of the values we cherish as part of a healthy love relationship. We must consistently work together to change our past behavior.
Where do you go for good therapy? My suggestion is to call your local Mental Health Association. They can offer referrals based upon your needs and ability to pay. Now, now, be careful that you don't become turned off by the words mental health. The truth is, everyone is a little crazy anyway! We are all crazy about different things at different levels.
Acknowledge your responsibility in the matter and be wise; stretch yourself. Seek assistance. Now is the time to put aside what you think and do something. Every love relationship has difficulties at various levels. That's right. Every relationship.
Men and women are different. With so many variables in a relationship, it is a wonder that men and women get along as well as they do.
So, if you want to work things out, dump your preconceived ideas about what people will think or what your love partner will think if you choose to pursue therapy on your own. They are going to think whatever they think and there isn't anything that you can do about it. Besides, it doesn't matter what they think. It's your problem. You must do what you must do. At least, you will be taking a brave step forward; a step that, with time, can dissolve the obstacles that are currently preventing you from the healthy love relationship you so richly deserve.
Just do it!