. . . And if all else fails?, Part 2
What to do when you've tried everything and your relationship still seems to be failing.
Face it, men. We need help. All we can get!
We are afraid. We are afraid of what it will look like to our friends if they discover we are having relationship problems. We are men. We are supposed to be in control of things. Who says?
We are often more afraid of what people will think, than how much we value our relationship with the one we say we love. To me, that's stupidity in action.
We must first learn to acknowledge that we have a problem, then do whatever is consistent with our commitments to our relationship. A problem is anything that gets in the way of our commitments. When you place a high value on your relationship; when you really love each other, seldom can any problem ever be too difficult to solve. Both love partners, however, must be willing to do whatever it takes. They must have a similar level of commitment to the recovery process.
To go to a therapist or a relationship coach OR watch the slow, agonizing death of your relationship? That is the question. Successful relationships thrive on love. They do not self-correct. They must be worked on. Without love, your relationship weakens and dies.
When considering the option of therapy, some people are willing to put aside their preconceived notions about what works and what doesn't work. They love each other and can't seem to work things out by themselves so they finally come to the decision that to delay seeking assistance may cause irreparable damage to the relationship. That's smart!
They make a choice to care less what others think and with unconditional love as their goal, focus on what must be done. They are able to break through their own self-imposed barriers and look for the opportunity that psychoanalysis and psychotherapy may offer.
Occasionally, self-discovery needs a boost. Therapists and relationship coaches are excellent boosters. The good ones boost with questions that become guides to self-awareness, a commitment to personal integrity, self-confidence and overall self-discovery. Perhaps this is the very best way to become aware of what you didn't know you didn't know. This may be the number one reason to consider therapy. What do you have to lose? It may be a better choice than what you are now doing, which may be nothing, which as you know, isn't working!
So you have decided to go to therapy? Good decision. You must now decide to participate in therapy. Notice. I said participate. If you refuse to participate in therapy like you may have refused to fully participate in your relationship, you will find you will get the same results you now have in your relationship. Not fully participating does not work.
When you trust your heart, any decision you make to participate in therapy will be okay. Your heart only speaks the Truth. That's one less thing you have to worry about. Any decision you make with your heart will always be in your best interest. You can count on it!
You must learn to distinguish between head-talk and heart-talk. You will want to only heed the voice of the heart. Some call it intuition. Some call it the voice of God. Call it whatever you want. Only learn to recognize Its voice.
Refuse to listen to your head feeding you its varied menu of conversations of the past. They are designed to keep you somewhere in the past. Isn't that what you are now running from? There is no future in the past. The future love relationship you have dreamed about is before you and cannot be driven to advance itself by a daily diet of messages from the past.