Busy wracking your brain about what to get your significant other this Valentine’s Day? How about a sexy oral experience they’ll never forget? As the highest-booking legal sex worker in the United States, I’m often asked by both women and men what they can do to really enhance their partner’s experience in the bedroom. Fortunately for you, I have the answers.
Pleasuring a penis
Let’s start with the basics. Performing oral sex well on a man is all about three things: pacing, technique and timing.
The way a man’s body works requires slowly increasing speed as he nears climax — unless you want a very long drawn-out encounter involving edging or orgasm denial, start out very slow. By giving yourself a lot of room to ramp up, you can take your partner to different levels of pleasure through changes in pace or even force them to finish against their will (men generally love this).
Spend an afternoon with your man having him show you how he likes to touch his own penis and how he likes to finish when he’s close. Learn where he is most sensitive and what kind of pressure he likes. If he’s not sure, exploring can be half the fun.
Map out his body and find out where he likes the most attention and using what techniques. The act of deep-throating along with swallowing creates very pleasurable pulling and contracting sensations on the penis, very similar to enjoying the sensations of a woman’s orgasm. Often, that along with an increase in pacing can quickly bring a man to climax once he’s sufficiently aroused.
Look for a “sex flush,” an involuntary reddening of the skin on the man’s chest or stomach. That will let you know it’s time to speed up and add some swallowing and suction. Not into swallowing? No problem! Use a condom so your partner can still get that amazing deep swallowing sensation. Not able to deep throat? Use your hand on the middle of the penis to reduce the overall depth into your mouth. Make sure to use lots of lube or saliva so that your hand’s skin doesn’t cause friction on the skin of the penis.
In general, men tend to love extemporaneous sex. Try waking him up with a little oral spoiling! Sometimes, when a man wakes up in the morning, he’ll need to empty his bladder before he’ll be able to finish. If you go for a while and it seems like he’s blocked, offer to give him a moment to urinate and go right back to the action. The best part about oral sex for a man is feeling wanted and desired. Make sure you’re spending the effort to let the timing throw him off guard and make him feel wanted.
Valentine’s Day for vaginas
Now, on to pleasuring a woman!
Knowing the body
Performing oral sex on a woman often comes down to her own awareness of her body. A woman who frequently masturbates, has a healthy sex drive and self-image and isn’t afraid of communicating in the bedroom will make oral sex and exploration together so much easier.
Focus on getting your partner to open up and be willing to share her body with you. What does she like? Does she appreciate deep penetration? Shallow? Does she love G-spot (internal body of the clitoris) stimulation or does she prefer a toy? Learning your partner’s body will let you focus right on the techniques she loves the most.
It’s all about the buildup
Make sure to make romantic buildup a part of the experience. Arousal can be very mental for a woman, so make sure you invest at least 10 minutes into ramping up the encounter before going right for oral sex. How aroused a woman is will affect how sensations on the clitoris feel, whether or not having fingers or a toy inside her will be painful and how easily she’ll be able to climax. In fact, that 10 minutes before you start stimulating her sexually may very decide whether or not she’ll be able to finish.
If it’s working, don’t stop
If a woman is responding positively to something you’re doing, don’t stop doing it and don’t change it without direction from her. If it’s clearly working for her, don’t do it harder, don’t do it faster, don’t add a finger, don’t change the pace or intensity or location at all. You should communicate well enough with one another in the bedroom that when she is ready for those things, she will signal to you. It is an incredibly frustrating experience, speaking as a woman, to say, “Yes, right there!” and 10 seconds later the technique begins to change.
Try your ABCs
If you are at a loss for exploring techniques with your partner, start with writing the alphabet with your tongue on her clitoris. Let her guide you for pressure, location and intensity and have her let you know when she feels something she really likes. The alphabet is varied enough with different strokes, directions and uppercase and lowercase letters to give you a great tour of what feels good for your partner.
For example, I love capital T after foreplay has me aroused, but I prefer capital U if I haven’t gotten completely aroused yet. Some women, myself included, love mouth suction on the clitoris while you use your tongue, but learning to create suction and also go through the technique without losing the seal takes practice. If you lose the seal when the orgasm is close, she may completely lose her climax because you went down in intensity.
Making an encounter romantic and memorable is about effort and communication. Let your loved one know that an experience is just for them and ask them to use their words so they can better enjoy it. You’ll both end up having better sex and being closer for it.
Alice Little is a courtesan at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.