How to Make Sex Work With a Penis of Any Size

Aug 21, 2018 at 3:00 p.m. ET
Three carrots of varying sizes with a drawing of a condom on each
Image: Igor_kell/Getty Images. Design: Mike Commins/SheKnows.

One of the most challenging aspects in the bedroom, especially in a new relationship, is learning your partner’s body and what makes it unique. Often, individual physical differences can require a slight adjustment in technique, especially if you are a very different size than your partner. As a 4-foot, 8-inch sex worker, I’ve learned the ins and outs of giving my visitors an amazing bedroom experience regardless of their dimensions.

I could write an entire article on how to accommodate partners of different heights and physical sizes as well as body mass, but for now, let’s focus on what to do with the unexpected surprise waiting for you in your partner’s pants.

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What if it's too big?

When it comes to penises, there are two kinds of "too big" — one is length, the other is girth. Of course, you can have a combination of these challenges, depending on the person.

For both length and girth, make sure not to skimp on the foreplay. Foreplay is not only a great way to increase vaginal lubrication, which will help immensely with girth, but arousal actually lengthens the vagina and increases its maximum diameter, which will make you much more comfortable during lovemaking. I recommend at least 10 minutes of foreplay or masturbation prior to intercourse, but 20 minutes is optimal.

If a penis is too long, you’ll want to avoid positions that provide deeper penetration. This means that positions during which your legs or knees are pulled back toward your shoulders are off the table, and you should be very careful about positions during which you are on all fours. If you decide you must be on all fours, you’ll want to raise your back instead of lower it, as lowering provides deeper penetration for your partner and will likely be too intense.

The best position for length issues is reverse cowgirl, as it gives you complete control over penetration depth and speed and provides shallower penetration than forward-facing cowgirl, and with more control.

There is a combination of toys and products available if your partner is too large. These vary from doughnuts that fit around the base of the penis to dildos of increasing size that you can use to prepare your body for a large partner just before an encounter.

Specifically for girth, make sure to use positions that keep your knees apart. Having your legs together reduces the maximum diameter of the vaginal canal and forces far more tissue movement to accommodate your partner. 

What if it’s too small?

This same principle of keeping knees together can be applied in reverse if your partner is smaller or is having trouble finishing. Using positions that keep your knees together increases friction and tightens the vaginal canal. For the same reason, getting on all fours and lowering your middle back will give your partner a greater sensation of deeper penetration and lets them manage any issues that arise from a shorter penis leaving the vagina unexpectedly during intercourse.

A great position for someone with a shorter penis, especially if the person has bad knees or a larger midsection, is for both of you to be on your sides. You draw your knees up closer to your chest and extend your legs; your partner curls up behind you. This position has all the deep penetration of being on all fours with none of the back or knee pressure and much more control. This will also prevent your body from rocking forward and backward during intercourse, which for a lightly endowed person can create complications related to falling out.

There are also creams and lubes you can use that can temporarily tighten up the vagina. These can be a great long-term solution for heightening your and your partner’s pleasure if there are size concerns. It can be worthwhile to invest in a sex sofa, as these ergonomic pieces of furniture are not only comfortable, functional and great for reading a book on a day off, they let you enjoy all kinds of great positions and angles that would be much harder to reach without it. Experimenting will give you the experience you need to have a quality encounter with your partner.

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Bringing it all together

Whether your partner is very large or very small and you're using condoms, it’s important to find ones that fits. Standard condom sizes aren’t for everyone, and it’s very easy to have a condom fall off or break if it’s not being used properly because of a glaring size issue. There are companies, like One, that make bespoke condoms. They are easy to order, easy to size and completely take care of size-related condom concerns. Given that a condom failure can be a very big deal, the minor investment into contraception that fits properly is an important one.

You may find it helpful to have a little fun with your partner and buy an adult toy kit that lets you make a mold and silicone double of your partner’s member. Having a copy of their penis on hand will let you try different positions and techniques outside the bedroom in a completely risk-free environment, and in my experience, most men love the idea of you having a little something to remember them by when they’re not around! Not only will you have a great conversation piece, you’ll have an excellent opportunity to practice your bedroom techniques and be an even better lover for your partner.

Alice Little is a courtesan at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.

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