Moms Get Brutally Honest About How Having Kids Has Affected Their Sex Lives

Aug 2, 2018 at 3:04 p.m. ET
Couple getting intimate on a background of pacifiers and a calendar
Image: Tory Rust, Mint Images - David Arky/Getty Images, Jeffrey Coolidge/Getty Images. Design: Ashley Britton/SheKnows.

The idea that becoming a parent changes your sex life has become a cliché at this point, but according to the results of a new survey, it's a cliché for a reason.

Almost 1,000 parents participated in a survey conducted by Leesa, a mattress company, and got brutally honest about how having kids has affected the quality and quantity of the sex they're having (or in some cases, not having). 

What impact does having kids have on parents' sex lives overall? Almost half (47 percent) of moms said that having kids has made their sex life worse, while 40 percent report no change, and a lucky 13 percent say their sex life has actually improved since becoming a mother. 

More: Here's How to Have a Fulfilling Sex Life After Kids

Moms also reported an overall decrease in sexual desire, with 61 percent indicating that their sex drive has gone down since becoming a parent, while 28 percent say it's stayed the same, and 11 percent report that being a mother has increased their libido.

Between all the responsibilities that come with being a parent, it's hardly surprising that parents reported a significant drop in the number of times each month they have sex, decreasing from 19 times a month pre-kids to 10 times a month post-kids. Two-thirds of parents say they lock their door during sex, with 15 percent indicating their kids have walked in on them during the act.

But how do these parents manage to fit in sex 10 times a month? The most popular strategy (with 67 percent of parents saying they do this) is waiting until their kids are asleep. This is followed by being extra quiet (64 percent), putting the kids to bed early (54 percent), showering together (42 percent), using technology to distract/engage their kids (39 percent), taking the kids to a relative's house (37 percent) and waiting until the kids go to school (33 percent). 

More: How Infertility & Trying to Conceive Changes Sex

In fact, only 2 percent of study participants report that they don't do any prep or take any deliberate steps to fitting sex into their busy lives. So, if you're feeling like scheduling time to be intimate with your partner takes the fun out of it, don't! It looks like it's actually quite necessary. 

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