I’ve written about the orgasm gap in the past — the numbers shocked me and still do. Since writing that article, I haven’t faked an orgasm — not one. My pleasure counts. As do all of my pleasure zones. But before I go off on a tangent (and I swear it’s related), I want to also note another important topic that I’ve discussed in the past — the multiple erogenous zones that can be utilized when sexually involved with someone who has a cervix. And yes, that includes the G-spot.
It’s known for being a mystery, difficult to find and even written off as “make-believe” by professionals. But alas, it’s real, and once you’ve found it, it’s loud and proud.
Where is it?
Even though I’m a sex writer, I actually ignore the G-spot in my day-to-day coital experiences. I’ve never had any trouble climaxing and I assumed my G-spot was being tickled, probed, prodded or whatever needed to be done to make sparks fly.
However, after I read up on the G-spot a little bit more for a recent article, I realized I didn’t really have a clue where this infamous spot was on my body. Shocked and slightly embarrassed, I felt like a bit of a novice (and sort of a liar). How did I, someone who sprawled spread-eagle on my bathroom floor as a teenager with a mirror between my legs, not understand where the hell the G-spot was?! I began to investigate, and I began right away.
Naturally, I started out by texting my group chat. “I have one hand down my pants trying to find my G-spot and the other one is scrolling through Instagram.”
I quickly realized, to my dismay, scrolling through Instagram wasn’t going to help me through my erogenous journey. I kicked my phone off of the bed and snuggled into some old-school masturbation style techniques. I laid on my back for a while, wondering if my partner knew where this spot was. There’s no way any of my partners knew where this spot is, I decided. I wearily felt around for something, anything, that was remotely the size of a dime and felt like the roof of a mouth. The G-spot feels different than the rest of the vagina — it’s dimpled and soft to the touch because it’s the tip of a nerve.
It gets bigger
Apparently, when you’re turned on, the G-spot becomes enlarged, and it’s easier to find. Some say this is because the area above the spot is the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge has something called the Skene’s gland, which engorges when you’re aroused. Because of this, the G-spot becomes super-sensitive. However, others believe that it’s a part of the clitourethrovaginal complex, a much larger structure connected to the clitoris. Whatever the case, it gets a bit larger when we are in the mood, making it easier to find.
Lying half sitting up, half hunched over wasn’t giving me the results I wanted. I needed to try the gyno-style position. Anatomically, I know that the G-spot is halfway between my vaginal opening and my cervix. I also know that can be easier to hit during missionary (which probably explains my love for the most-hated position). So I know the G-spot works for me. I never doubted its existence, I just didn’t know where it was precisely located.
After digging around with my (clean) fingers, I still wasn’t sure where this pleasure zone was located on my own damn body. Apparently, you’re supposed to press firmly on the spot. It’s supposed to feel a little strange, a little wrinkly. This is also where the “come hither” finger motions comes from and is encouraged. From my angle, it’s a little impossible and mostly awkward. At this point, I was missing my partner. I remembered a tip I read from Dr. Judy Kuriansky in Cosmo: “Trace a line from your belly button to the top of your pubic bone, then press around the area.”
My legs started to ache. I decided to take a break and try to really hype myself up with some new sex toys. I had read somewhere that sometimes, people’s fingers can’t reach far enough and a curved toy will do the trick.
My PicoBong Zizo Innie Vibe is pretty basic, but has always done the job. The slight curve fits comfortably inside, and when I’m really turned on, I can always depend on this toy to do what I command. In this situation, since it felt a bit forced (for the sake of journalism), I decided to press down on my abdomen while inserting the toy. The G-spot has a bonus to it that many of us aren’t even aware of — it can be accessed from the outside of the body. Well, not technically, but if you press down pretty hard on your lower abdomen while also having something (vibrator, finger, penis, whatever you want) inside, you can arouse the erogenous zone through your skin. Sounds creepy and sexy at the same time.
Now, let’s rewind a little bit before moving forward to the grand finale.
My teenage years were filled with cunnilingus and foreplay. I didn’t perform oral sex on a partner until I was 18 years old, but for years before that, my partners were on their knees as I selfishly received without giving. This, of course, used to make me feel guilty when I looked back on my lustful memories. But now, as an adult, I realize it spoiled me (and my expectations of what happens to my nether regions.) This primal and natural inclination to spread my legs for my partners taught me quite a bit of valuable information about my vagina and my vulva (the external area that includes the clitoris and labia). I know what I want and how— in a circular motion today, in a slow and soft way tomorrow. I’m pretty educated on my pleasure.
But the G-spot. Ah, again I was at a loss. I knew what worked, but I didn’t know why. I was knowledgeable in the fact that I climax the most with blended orgasms — meaning cervical and clitoral stimulation happens at the same time — but I just haphazardly guessed that it meant “deep and hard” instead of imagining a spot that engorges and is a nerve ending on the anterior wall. I recently learned that my climax can be attributed to my partner hitting my A-spot, which is deeper and closer to the cervix.
I hit the spot
OK, back to the scene at hand. I began to experiment with my toy. I removed it once I felt naturally turned on and inserted a finger once again, knowing that when someone is turned on, the dime-sized erogenous zone becomes engorged and is easier to spot. It’s located roughly 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina on the front of the wall — aka near the stomach. Once I felt a thicker, slightly rougher area, I pressed down externally on my stomach.
There it was in all of its glory, my guessing-spot, my where-the-hell-have-you-been-all-my-life spot, my G-spot. Initial thoughts? Am I going to pee? But alas, there was no urine, just a good old-fashioned orgasm.
Now that I had found it, I felt like I could get a bit closer to closing those numbers in the orgasm gap. I experimented with clitoral stimulation and decided to hone in on my abdomen next time my partner and I jumped into bed. Apparently, the best way to maximize the feeling of the G-spot with penetrative sex is to try person on top (or dildo on top or finger or whatever) and rear entry (where you lie flat on your stomach and your partner penetrates from the top.) Since the location of the G-spot is pretty shallow inside the vagina, it’s easiest to stimulate when pressed closely on the frontal wall of the vagina.
Obviously, the most successful and best sex is the kind of sex that works for you and your partner. If you can’t find your G-spot, it’s definitely not the end of your sex life. I didn’t even know where mine was, and I’ve still been having a rip-roaring good time.
For some people, finding the G-spot may be a little bit more difficult since the Skene’s gland varies in size. Also, some people with a cervix don’t even have a Skene’s gland. Never fear! We are blessed, vaginas are beautiful, and there is a textbook of various ways to get someone (or yourself) off.