We schedule things like hair appointment, facials and dinner dates with friends. This can make the event seem exciting, give you something to look forward to and, after having a wonderful time, realize you need to schedule more time to practice self-care in these ways. In fact, you probably leave many of these events or appointments wondering why you don’t do this more often.
And do you know what experts say we should be scheduling more of? Sex.
While it may not exactly sound sexy, there are so many benefits to scheduling intimate time, whether you are in a spicy new relationship, have been married for 30 years or you are a young couple with kids trying to recreate some of the passion you had when you first started dating.
We spoke with some experts on the subject who gave us some convincing reasons scheduling can be an essential part of a healthy sexual relationship. It doesn’t have to be boring, and it certainly won’t take the spark out of sexy time. In fact, it can have the opposite effect.
The buildup is fun
Kelley Kitley, a licensed clinical social worker at Serendipitous Psychotherapy, says scheduling sex is a great way to give “both people an opportunity to look forward to it and prep,” she says. It can get the mood going earlier in the day if you pick out some sexy undies, spray on a little perfume and send each other flirty texts.
It doesn’t take the sexy factor out of sex
Xanet Pailet, a sex and intimacy coach, recommends scheduled sex dates to all her clients even though she gets an unenthusiastic response. Most couples want this to be more spontaneous, yet she believes the opposite to be true. She also agrees with Kitley about the importance of creating a lot of anticipation and excitement.
The point is to have more fun
Pailet says this should not be viewed as work, as some couples are afraid it will be. Scheduling sex a few days in advance gives you the time and energy to “set the scene,” something you can’t do if you are spontaneous. She suggests lighting candles, teasing your partner leading up to your date and telling them what you’d like them to wear or do to you.
It can make you & your partner feel important
Kitley points out sex is one of the main things that makes our relationship with our partner different than any other relationship we have. It’s beneficial to your relationship to show your partner you value them because you are making time to connect on an intimate level and make it an important part of your day, as it sends the message you are setting aside this time only for them.
Pailet also adds that our to-do lists these days are forever growing, and the reality is if you aren’t scheduling sexy time, it is going to slip through the cracks, and at the end of the day, since it hasn’t been in the forefront of your mind, you will likely put it off — again.
A date might not always lead to sex, & that’s OK
Pailet says to be understanding if your scheduled time doesn’t lead to sex for some reason, but what’s important is you’ve had a chance to be intimate with your partner and connect because “just making time for intimacy and connection will help keep your sex life alive and juicy.”
Remember, the intention of scheduling sex is not to make it a chore, and it doesn’t mean you can’t be spontaneous anymore either. The purpose is to make sex a priority just like we do with so many things in our lives. And you never know. It may get your juices flowing enough to surprise your partner with sexy advances more often.