Woman's rant about a blender is the perfect commentary on breakups

Jul 25, 2016 at 11:54 p.m. ET
Image: Zero Creatives/Getty Images

It's not uncommon to unload gifts you received from an ex — either on the front lawn or through online classifieds like Craigslist. One New York woman opted to do the latter when she listed a certified reconditioned 5200 series Vitamix blender on the website.

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But that wasn't all she listed.

The anonymous woman gave her d-bag ex a big f*** you — complete with a photo flipping off the camera — along with a story of the epic rise and fall of their relationship.

Image: Craigslist

"Never date a corporate lawyer," she wrote. "Here's how it goes. You match him on Tinder and give him a chance even though he ghosted you after one date." He apologizes and "claims to hate True Detective, and laughs at all your jokes.

"Things were good for a bit because he's the good type of corporate lawyer. He wants to leave Wappen & Kladden! He has values! He's sensitive! You've never been happier."

But then things went downhill.

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"The guy who committed to 80-hour work weeks for nebulous reasons is scared of commitment," she wrote. "The guy who asked to meet your family after you said it would be okay to wait, because commitment can be scary, is now scared of commitment.

"He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It's the day after your birthday," she continued, "A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Who buys someone they're dumping a Vitamix?"

Fair question.

"He wants me to remember him fondly. I can't abide it," she continued. "I'm not gonna ruin a perfectly good blender. Yet, sitting on my microwave, it looks exactly like the Wappen & Kladden building."

So, her loss is someone else's gain, because $400 is a pretty awesome price for a Vitamix. No word if it's sold yet, but she's also available for dates if you're not interested in making smoothies.

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