Why dating vegans is so damn difficult, even for a vegan

Jul 26, 2016 at 5:34 p.m. ET
Image: HASLOO/Getty Images

Dating vegans is hard as hell.

There I said it. It’s not hard because all vegans are crazy. I mean, some aren’t, but the most difficult thing is just finding someone you like, period. OK, I’m getting ahead of myself. Hi, I’m Ayinde and I’m a lifelong vegan and the funniest thing about me is that I was a vegan who had never dated another vegan until two years ago when I published my book, The Lusty Vegan. When I finally did start dating a fellow vegan, I thought I had hit the jackpot.

The first thing you realize when you start dating a vegan is that there is a lot more to a relationship than what you eat. So you don’t have to figure it out on your own, I did the field research for you.

Here are four things way more important than food.

1. Like, like

You know that kind of like you have for a person that supersedes all of their BS? My mother says, “Ayinde, everybody has BS. Just be sure you can deal with their brand of BS and not hope it will someday change.” However, when you take stock of it, there is a philosophy that says when people come together they choose to intertwine their karmas. When you share karma, that basically means if the other person has a seemingly crazy, crappy life, it will inevitably become yours. You ready for all that?

2. Communication

Something that happened a lot with my vegan-on-vegan relationship was that we would both make assumptions about what the other said instead of just asking, “Hey, what do you mean?” Now you say, "Duh, Ayinde, this is so simple." But is it? All sorts of things come up that make you hesitant to speak your mind, but it helps to have a pact up front about always telling the truth. This can be difficult, especially when you factor in the stuff you don’t say. Remember, omitting things is the same as lying.

3. Compatibility

After you find out the sex is really good, can you talk? And I mean really talk about any and everything beyond just the latest vegan food? If you can do this, your partner is a keeper. As my mother would always say, "Make sure you can talk to her because sex don’t always last." Gross, Mom, but thanks. Her point was it shouldn’t be difficult to talk to your partner the way you to your bestie. Why? Because when the both of you are old and gray and you might break a hip with some hanky-panky, verbal intercourse is still just as good!

4. Trust

Do you trust them? Sometimes in relationships we use our significant others to fill a space, to be a warm body, but don’t really trust that they are being honest. This distrust occurs a lot with men in hetero relationships, at least I know it does to me. I’ve had women tell me, "I assumed you were cheating, but as long as I never found out I was fine with it." I’m sorry, what? Yeah, I trust you as long as I cannot prove you’re guilty. I’m like, that is probably why it didn’t work out. You can speak/think things into existence and all good thoughts come from trusting that you are safe enough to be happy.

Once you have all that sorted, then you can talk about the virtues of turkey bacon vs. coconut bacon.

'Yinde out.

Ayinde Howell is a speaker at the #BlogHer16 conferencethe premier event for women online taking place from August 4 – 6, 2016, in Los Angeles, California. Don’t wait! See the agenda and all the speakers and get your ticket now.