Lessons learned from 31 days straight of orgasms
May was National Masturbation Month, and in observation of this (admittedly very made-up holiday) I challenged you to try and have an orgasm a day — to keep both the doctor away and the pleasure as close as possible. The #OGame challenge is officially over, and I’m here to tell you how it all came together.
It turns out that making time for a daily orgasm isn’t as easy as it sounds — especially for women. We work, we take care of kids, we have social lives and we need to eventually find time to sleep (something that orgasms help with). Yet, thinking about fitting yet another obligation into our bursting-at-the-seams schedules can be exhausting in itself — even if the obligation is a pleasurable one.
What came out in the conversations I had with women is that we’re still slightly freaked about openly discussing masturbation — we desperately need to steal a page from the boy’s guide to wanking. Interestingly, women were more open to detailed discussions about orgasms from partnered sex. Although this was not a watershed study of thousands, these anecdotal reports suggest that we have far to go before we’re free of shame. But the good news? Taking part in collective experiments like the #OGame challenge can completely shift how we experience our own bodies — and our perspectives on pleasure.
In my initial post on this subject I asked my readers to think about daily orgasms the way they think about brushing their teeth:
"You very rarely, even on your drunkest, latest night out, skip scrubbing your pearly whites. You accept because it’s been drilled into you that your teeth will rot if you neglect them.
Let’s apply the same logic to our nether regions (and to our brains, because that’s where orgasms actually happen). Imagine, for a moment, that neglecting your vagina would result in decay. You don’t even have to imagine it because it’s actually true. Women who abstain from sex (or using a vibrator internally) in peri or postmenopause can suffer from vaginal atrophy. The opening of one’s vagina can shrink from disuse, which can cause pain during intercourse when it happens. It is indeed a case of 'use it or lose it.'"
After embarking on the #OGame challenge with my readers (and a few friends), it seems that the resistance to daily Os is mostly in the brain — the same place orgasms live. These are the same brains that we women are wired to not be able to turn off — our hyper-vigilance is the thing that’s keeping us from our orgasms — even though an orgasm is just about the only thing that truly turns your brain off, if just for a moment.
The people who responded to this challenge told me that they were initially very freaked out by it. It just seemed weird. But once they wrapped their minds around the challenge, many of them were able to make it work. If not everyday, most respondents managed four to five days a week, taking their monthly orgasm numbers far higher than they ever were before.
Women reported that the practice got easier after the first week. After figuring out how to fit a daily attempt at orgasm into their schedules, whether it required finding more time at bedtime, in the shower or asking partners to step up to the plate, many fell into a delightful groove.
The practice turned out to be somewhat life-changing for those who’ve had trouble achieving orgasm in the past. Making orgasm-acquisition into a practice like yoga or meditation helped several women figure out that their obstacle was anatomical. They weren’t hitting themselves in the right spot (we’re all designed slightly differently). Daily experimentation helped several women find their sweet spot.
Whether through help from new sex toys or new masturbation techniques, committing to daily pleasure also changed the nature of the pleasure itself. A few women reported first-time g-spot or blended orgasms (one with her partner and one solo).
The best part: those that took the #OGame challenge are never going back. Even better news, partnered women who’ve been suffering in orgasm-less silence told me that they’re no longer willing to go without, and are making their orgasms into a priority within their relationships. We are starting to close the orgasm gap, my friends.
- Morning orgasms seem to bring more energy throughout the day — a big O habit is like a blast of caffeine. Some women told me that nightly orgasms helped them to sleep better. We learned that orgasms are better than Ambien, and don’t cause midnight refrigerator runs.
- The #OGame also had beauty benefits. Some mentioned that their skin seemed brighter and clearer. One woman even told me that colleagues asked if she had a new facialist — she was glowing that that much.
- Orgasms aren’t just a dopamine-booster — they’re a confidence booster. Women told me that engaging in this practice made them feel sexier all day every day.
- Perimenopausal women and women past menopause really loved and needed this. A few said that taking time to love their bodies uplifted their moods and seemed to have a positive effect on their overall health.
- The quality, intensity and time taken to achieve orgasm changes throughout our menstrual cycle.
- Orgasms definitely help with menstrual cramps — a discovery one seems to only make when you make time for one during your period!
- The ruling principal of the #OGame seems to be that old trope: "the more I get, the more I want." Even the most ambivalent, nervous participants found that after a few weeks, they craved orgasms like dark chocolate during PMS.
In the final analysis, a happy ending was had by all, and more #OGame challenges will be forthcoming. Watch this space.