For every marriage, there is a different way of doing things. Some couples live completely separate lives, going to bed at different times, spending hours on activities outside the marriage and home. Other couples tend to do everything together. We call these latter types “interdependent,” though colloquially we might call them “co-dependent.” And I am in one of them.
Officially, co-dependence is defined as something unhealthy, that stems from having had an alcoholic or ill parents. It’s considered dysfunctional (isn’t everything, though?). But we all know those couples (ahem, myself) who got married young, have never really lived apart, and now depend on one another for, well, everything. We see you!
Personally, I got together with my husband at 23. We grew up together more or less. I can’t imagine life without him. If that makes me co-dependent, I’ll take it. But if you are looking for the signs you might have a codependent/interdependent marriage, here are seven of them:
1.) You haven’t grocery shopped alone in more than a decade.
We know. The grocery can be a scary, cavernous place. So many choices! The deli! The bakery! Better to go together. Always. Or like, sit at home for hours when you could have just run to the store since going alone is a much scarier prospect than arriving together, 10 minutes before closing time.
2.) You never carry cash since your spouse always has some.
Why would you be a self-sufficient adult with money in your pocket? Same with keys. And credit cards. And gum. Always gum.
3.) One of you lets your driver’s license expire since you are always together.
Couples who spend every waking moment together tend to designate a driver. The other person in the relationship tends to then lose their driving skills. Fast. Then, when they must get behind the wheel, it goes something like this:
4.) There are two couches in the living room. One remains unused.
Couches are for cuddling, people. You only need one!
5.) You could manage quite well in a twin bed since you only use one side of your King.
It took my husband and me a decade of marriage before we went bigger than a full. We simply didn’t need it!
6.) You plan on dying at exactly the same time. No matter what.
Don’t care if it’s macabre. I have no intention of living even one second without my husband in this world.
7.) You have a callus from holding hands so long and so often.
“I’ll never let go!”