Trump haters can now be matched with a Canadian to help escape him
Now that it's looking like Trump will be our Republican presidential nominee, many Democrats and Republicans alike are considering alternative plans if he actually gets elected, aka moving to Canada. I have to admit, should that nightmare come true, I would be totally amenable to the idea. I've visited the great country only a handful of times, but it's always been a pleasure. It's brimming with scenic beauty, the people are bend-over-backwards polite, and their prime minister is the dreamiest.
However, the idea of moving to a new country might be a bit daunting to some, especially if they're single and don't know anyone in the Land of Canucks. Thankfully, some clever folks have already come up with a solution for all those wayward single Americans seeking solace in Canada's chilly embrace.
It's called Maple Match, and it's an online dating service specifically designed to help Americans find a Canadian soulmate while escaping the impending Trump-pocalypse.
Or as the site describes it: "Maple Match makes it easy for Americans to find the ideal Canadian partner to save them from the unfathomable horror of a Trump presidency." Now that's a life-saving service if I ever heard one!
While the whole thing might sound like a delightful ruse, I, and the CEO of Maple Match Joe Goldman, can assure you the site is very real. "Donald Trump is a joke. Finding true love in a place where you can be happy is not a joke," Goldman told Cosmo.
Granted, there is currently a waiting list because of course there would be — did you see how quickly "Canada" jumped up in Google search frequency after Trump was announced the GOP candidate? But just like waiting in line for the newest Star Wars movie, you will get in eventually. You'll just have to wait awhile in a state of constant fear that all of the seats will be taken by the time you get in.
Until then, if you're still on the fence about why living (and dating) in Canada would be the best, here are a few reasons that I think might sway you toward the north side of the border.
1. Canadians wait till they're good and ready to get married
If you're thinking a match on Maple Match will just lead to a shotgun wedding, and a subsequent divorce, think again. Canadians like relationships to mature, like a fine cheddar, before jumping into a lifelong commitment. According to a government poll, the average marrying age in Canada is 29.1, which is more than two years older than when Americans generally prefer to tie the knot.
2. Sexual education is far superior there
Sure, this might affect your kids more than you, but it's still important to note how much better Canada's sex ed program is than the nonsense we get in America. While America has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and STDs out of all the developed nations worldwide, Canada has one of the more comprehensive mandatory sexual education curriculums. This includes lessons about sexting, gender identity, consent, LGBTQ relationships and masturbation. So they're all about safety, acceptance and self-love — who wouldn't get on board with that?
3. The hottest celebrities are Canadian
OK, so you might not be able to date any of these smokin' hotties, but it's good to know the country has a knack for producing super-attractive people. Here's a small sampling: Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Drake, Rachel McAdams, Justin Bieber, and my personal favorite, Taylor Kitsch (aka Riggins from Saturday Night Lights). Oh, also their Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, is beyond foxy (but sadly taken).
4. They legalized gay marriage way before we did
Canada truly is the land of acceptance. They legalized gay marriage in 2005, a full decade before America did, and they were only the fourth country in the world to do so. That makes them unassailably awesome in my eyes.
5. They're super romantic
Finally, Canadians understand the importance of romance, so you know dating life up there will be filled with flowers, candy and nice restaurants. According to a 2015 survey, 80 percent of Canadians celebrate Valentine's Day, which is almost double the percent of Americans who celebrate the love holiday. However, can you really blame us for our jadedness? Have you seen the political absurdity we're up against this year? It's enough to sterilize Pepé Le Pew!
So let's all move to Canada before it's too late. They may buy their milk in bags, but at least they're open to an American/Canadian dating site rather than talking about building a wall to keep us out.