8 qualities you should insist on in a partner, even if they're not the one
Spring is upon, and with it, hope continues to spring eternal for we single folks wanting to be in a healthy, mutually committed relationship. To do so, we need to reflect upon past relationships and be honest with ourselves as to why they didn’t work. Of course, the whys are a bit different for each of us, but there are several key qualities that can help us find Mr. or Ms. RightEnough.
Yes, right enough, as none of us are perfect (just in case you thought you were). We will all have to compromise on certain things, like they might not look like Brad Pitt or Olivia Wilde and they might enjoy binge-watching Netflix series. On the flip side, we shouldn’t compromise on core values and key personality traits that are the foundation for building and maintaining a healthy long-term relationship.
Here are eight qualities each of us should have to help you find Mr. or Ms. Right-Enough:
1. They're independent
You want someone who doesn’t need you to complete, validate or be with them 24/7. They should understand and respect your need for space and alone time with friends or family, just as you should respect theirs.
2. They're trusting/honest
This quality seems like a no-brainer for a healthy relationship. It can take time to find out if they're trusting and honest, so pay attention to big and little things they say and do. And always trust your gut.
3. They're able to laugh at themselves
I’ve found that someone who is genuinely confident is able to make fun of and laugh at themselves. It shows they get who they are, have a strong sense of self without being egocentric and are comfortable enough with their quirks even when others poke innocent fun at them.
4. They're emotionally stable
We all appreciate and want to hear warm, kind words, especially "I love you." But if we’ve established how we feel and our commitment to each other, we shouldn’t have to constantly reassure someone of our love, be questioned on interactions with others or asked why we don’t put an XO or heart on every text.
5. They're goal oriented
Having goals both personally and in a relationship are important in life. They help give us purpose, confidence and move our lives forward in a positive manner. That’s why as things evolve you want to understand their individual and relationship goals (career, marriage, children, etc.) to ensure you’re on the same page and want to work together to achieve it.
6. They're financially stable
I hate to break it to you, but truth is you can't live on love! So unless either of you were born with a silver spoon or won the Mega Millions jackpot, planning and having a realistic life together requires that each of you have consistent incomes.
7. They're able to communicate well
Not everyone is able to express their feelings, but couples need to find a way that works for both partners to avoid frustration, disconnect and misinterpretation of actions. A healthy relationship requires clear, honest and frequent communication even when it’s about tough issues. Check out my article on talking to your partner about the future for more tips on this!
8. They're available
It’s your choice if you want to date someone who’s separated, but my advice is to keep it to individuals who are divorced for more than a year. Why? Timewise, they’ve been dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of a split, no matter how easy or challenging the process. Taking a break to regroup and be content on their own helps minimize you being a rebound or that they're simply filling a void. If they’re separated, they’re still dealing with the negotiations and emotions of another relationship — particularly if children are involved, which makes them even more unavailable.