7 books that can help you rebuild the intimacy your relationship has lost
Sex and intimacy education needn't stop because you've graduated high school. If you find that the older and busier you get and the more stable your relationships become, the less fulfilled you are in your love and sex life, it may be time to take control of the situation. Scores of experts who are well-versed in sex positions, male and female anatomy, how our emotions connect to our sex lives, modern dating and, yep, the elusive female orgasm, have given us the gift of self-help books. Benefit from their wisdom and allow them to answer all of those nagging questions you never felt comfortable asking friends.
Here is a list of seven well-reviewed self-help books that address everything from oral sex to finding a life-long love connection.
1. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
This book, by Dr. Gary Chapman, is a The New York Times bestseller that explains how we speak five different love languages, which explains why we sometimes get our signals crossed with our partner's love language. The "languages" are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Discovering your — and your spouse's — preferred love language is the key to a happy marriage, according to Chapman, who draws from his 30 years of therapy experience to provide real-life examples of each language (Amazon, $10).
2. Left Swipes & Love: A Millennial's Guide to Hookups, Dating and Tinder
It's a brave new dating world out there and millennials have to navigate the college dating scene, which includes online apps like Tinder. This book provides dating app etiquette and covers topics like how to pick up a man if you're a man and how to transition into an online DM relationship without seeming too forward or creepy. Even if online dating isn't for you, this book is a must for any young woman or man you know who is trying to make sense of it all (Amazon, $12).
3. Motivated to Love: How to Love Your Spouse Unconditionally Through the Worst Seasons of Your Marriage
It's not going to be all chocolate and roses, and this book, written by Amanda Taylor, addresses those "seasons" of marriage few talk about: the years when you're down on your luck, struggling financially or dealing with sickness and other heartbreaking realities of life. After hearing her husband tell her he didn't love her anymore (ouch), Taylor found ways to repair her broken marriage — and she offers her wisdom to anyone going through a similar experience (Amazon, $5).
4. Slow Sex: The Art & Craft of the Female Orgasm
Technically, this book was written for men who are thoughtful and amazing enough to want to learn how they can give mind-blowing slow sex to their female partners by learning orgasmic meditation. Read on, guys. But here's the deal: You can't expect your significant other to know what gets you off unless you have a clear understanding of your own anatomy and the female orgasm. For that reason, we all owe a debt to author Nicole Daedone (Alibris).
5. The Ultimate Sex Guide for Couples: Have More Intimacy, More Passion and an Amazing Sex Life
It takes two to tango so purchase this book, written by Jordan Sex Davis, and pass it back and forth over glasses of red wine. This guide addresses how to get each other in the mood (even when you have kids and crazy lives), why one of you may not be into sex as much as you were at the start of your relationship and what to do about it and even foods you should eat to recharge for a better sex life (Amazon, $8).
6. Sex Positions: The Playbook of Love Making
This book, written by Jessica Summers, incorporates actual research to help make you better in bed. In addition to suggesting specific positions that are guaranteed to drive your partner over the edge, it explains the different ways men and women think about sex, techniques that will boost your confidence and ways to get over relationship difficulties that put a damper on your sex life (Amazon).
7. She Comes First
There's a good reason why more than 125,000 copies of this book, written by Ian Kerner, have been sold. Many women have a lot of trouble achieving orgasm, and Kerner's step-by-step guide to oral sex can help put an end to that. Read it, learn which techniques he suggests and have the confidence to tell your partner exactly what you want the next time he's down there (he'll thank you for it). If that doesn't work, leave a copy of this book on his nightstand (Jet.com, $12).