We like to dispel and disregard silly stereotypes as often as possible, but that doesn’t mean we’re above poking fun at them. The spiritual New Age dude, or SNAG, is a blessing to date: Imagine never having to explain why you’re experiencing a feeling, regardless of how “irrational” it may seem. Or dating someone who is as open to joining you at yoga class as he is exploring the kind of tantric sex positions that would make Sting proud? Sounds heavenly, doesn’t it?
Of course, some men can go overboard in their attempts to appear as SNAG as possible, and that’s where we have to stop and call them out for it. If you’ve got yourself a sensitive man who isn’t ashamed of it, stand proud. If you aren’t quite sure how SNAG your guy is, check out this list of eight signs you’re dating a SNAG, which will confirm your suspicions.
1. He meditates daily and shames you for not meditating
Your guy doesn’t just meditate, he meditates twice daily for at least 20 minutes, may have a shrine erected in a corner of his home and has very likely been trained in transcendental meditation. He’ll tell you it has done amazing things for his emotional and physical health — and he won’t be exaggerating. The only problem is that if you aren’t meditating and make the mistake of raising your voice during a conflict, you can expect to hear him blame the fact that you lack this practice in your life. Curb your desire to then throw a pillow at him, which will only prove his point.
2. He won’t make the first move
Worse: He’ll ask for your permission to make the first move or will apologize after he makes the first move. At first, his soulful attempts to treat you with the utmost respect will warm your heart and have you writing home to your mother. And then, at some point after date #3, you’ll want to scream at him to just tear your clothes off already. He won’t, of course, because that wouldn’t be respectful of you — so just get used to being the aggressor and try to embrace this role.
3. There is only one presidential candidate for him
He supports Bernie Sanders all the way. The Vermont senator’s strong stance on reducing the gap between the wealthy and poor hits home for him. And any politician who is visited by a songbird while campaigning in Oregon is one that can clearly be trusted.
4. He follows the phases of the moon
During the new moon, your guy sets intentions for the month. He lights candles, burns sage to cleanse his home and may even attend a sound bath. When the full moon arrives, he releases whatever no longer serves him, burns intentions (literally) and cleanses himself fully with a hot Himalayan salt bath. If you’re reading this and it happens to be a full moon, what are you waiting for? Get into that bath pronto!
5. Your wedding will look rustic and inexpensive, but will actually cost $30,000
SNAG will propose and then want to be a part of all aspects of wedding planning. Of course, you will get married in a barn. You’ll hire an interfaith officiant who doubles as an astrologist. Your wedding meal will consist of organic Matsutake mushroom and arugula quiche, truffles guests will pick on a grassy hill before the ceremony, whether they want to or not, and luxury beer. Everyone will feel like they’re living in a simpler time, unaware of the fact that you’ll be paying for your rustic wedding for the next 25 years.
6. He has read Betty Friedan and thinks he knows everything about women
After minoring in women’s studies, he can rattle off a list of feminist classics he has read, books that you’ve never read, that prove he’s far more feminist that you’ll ever be. Unfortunately, he equates reading The Feminine Mystique and The Second Sex with actually inhabiting the body of a woman who has been catcalled on the street and earns just 79 percent what men are paid.
7. He complains about the ‘friend zone’ and how women really don’t want nice guys
While attempting to prove he and other men are far more evolved than women by putting them down (always in the nicest way possible), he fails to understand that of course we want nice guys. But we want our nice guys to be self-confident, strong in their beliefs and convictions, comfortable in their skin, willing and eager to court us and not afraid of committing to a strong woman. Is that really too much to ask for?
8. Behold, the man bun
From man bun to toe, your guy is completely in touch with his feminine side and not afraid to dress the part. It’s all fun and games until he starts using your good hair products.