Sex experts give their best advice about intimacy and sexuality

As we continue our month long celebration of love in all its forms, we decided to ask our Experts Among Us to send in their pressing sex questions for the second installment of our series of Twitter love chats. To answer them we had three Experts weigh-in: sex educator Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. from Married at First Sight, OBGYN Dr. Kate Killoran and board certified sexologist Lanae St. John. The questions and answers on #SKExperts got personal, provocative and poignant; and in case you missed it, here’s a little peek at some of the best moments.

How much of your sexual experience history do you need to honestly share with a new partner and when?

We should never feel badly about our experiences; they make us the people we are today. You don’t need to reveal right away. However, if you think that your partner would judge you for it, then he or she is definitely not the right partner for you. — Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.

Do you think you can have a great love without there being great sex too?

Yes, you can have great love without great sex. In contrast, you can also have great sex without great love. Both examples can change direction over time. People enter relationships for many reasons to fulfill their needs: romantic, sexual, companionship, etc. Partners must continually share what their needs are in their relationship. — Lanae St. John

More: The best advice two love experts have on long term relationships

How can I feel comfortable with my spouse in the bedroom when I have body insecurities?

What recommendations do you have for people with a low sex drive? How do you communicate that to partners?

Poor health affects sex drive. Treat any medical issues. If you feel lousy, you’re not going to be interested. Treat vaginal dryness. If it hurts, you’re not going to be interested. Lubricants or hormones can help. Work through any unresolved emotional conflicts. If you hate him, you’re not going to be interested. Put in some effort to determine what turns you on. Sext, watch porn, try a sex toy, fantasize, invest in lingerie. Communicate your needs with your partner. It will improve the experience for both of you. Most men would love to know how to please you. But they may not ask, so tell them. — Dr. Kate Killoran

How can my partner and I sync our schedules to make time for sex without it feeling planned?

I’m a realist. When life (work, kids, money, family) takes over, spontaneity can’t really exist. That’s not a bad thing. Instead of feeling badly about the fact that intimacy is “planned,” embrace the planning and make it count. Also, be nontraditional in your planning. Breakfast/brunch “dates” can be just as hot as those when the moon is out. — Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.

More: 4 Easy phrases that will make your spouse feel appreciated

How can women fully express their sexuality in a slut-shaming culture?

Challenge the double standard in everything you do and everywhere you go. Challenge the people in your life when they use “slut” “slutty” “ho,” etc. There is no room in our lives for people who judge our decisions. Seriously, cut those people out. You do not need them. — Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.

What are some great sex references and reads for those too shy to ask?

What’s the best way for partners to make each other feel sexy and wanted?

Begin by putting away your phone. Pay attention to them. Compliment them. Touch them. Plan something nice for them. Look into their eyes — sounds cheesy and old school, but it works; some penis owners can get a hard on just from eye gazing. — Lanae St. John

How can you get out of your own head and just enjoy sex in the moment?

That issue is called “spectatoring;” it’s when one thinks more at what they look like or what they’re doing rather than how they feel about the sex they are having. Resolving this takes practice and focus. Meditation helps some people get out of their heads. During the act, try to focus on the feelings of what is happening or feel the sensations of the touch. When you catch yourself spectatoring, shift to the feelings. — Lanae St. John

What do you wish every woman would do to take charge of her sexual health?

Educate yourself. Masturbate. Learn about your body, what turns you on and what gets you to orgasm. When you know, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Your partner may be surprised by what does and does not please you. He should be delighted to learn. — Dr. Kate Killoran

More: Why even small lies on your online dating profile mean big trouble

What’s the best sex tip you’ve ever given or received?

Don’t miss our next two sex chats on Feb. 18.; we’re talking about real relationships. And on Feb. 25, we’re diving into dating! Join us @Sheknows #SKExperts from 12-1 p.m. ET.

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