I’ll admit it. I’ve toyed around on Tinder. But not looking for a hookup. That’s not my m.o. However, after being “catfished” on dating sites like OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish, and stood up on New Year’s Day (for real… I was stood up by a guy whom I later Google Imaged and discovered was a total fake), I decided that Tinder was my next step. I mean, I seem to have a superpower for finding freaks, narcissists, frauds, married and emotionally unavailable men online so… how could an app be any worse?
So I upgraded to the iPhone 6, signed up and started trying to swipe, except the swiping thing really confused me because I’m ambidextrous and get left and right messed up sometimes. Eventually, I reverted to just hitting the green heart or “yes” button and the red X or “no” button after I’m pretty sure I accidentally swiped the wrong way on the potential love of my life in my first three minutes on Tinder, but that’s another story.
After nearly a year on Tinder, I can report that while I haven’t yet found the love of my life on the app, I have met some really nice and quality guys on there (and some idiots too). And for those who are like, “Oh, isn’t Tinder just a hookup app?” I will say that while some people still use it for that, it’s pretty simple to figure that out quickly, and the immediacy of a dating app like Tinder makes it easier to weed out the weirdos from the winners. Also, app dating oddly feels a little safer to me because unless you mutually match with someone, they cannot contact you and they can’t spend hours staring at your profile online. I’d have guys I had politely rejected writing repeatedly saying we were a perfect match when I knew we were not… like the grandfather who lived in Nebraska who somehow thought I was his soulmate and messaged me every day for a month.
That being said, I match selectively. I would say that I reject 95 out of 100 profiles I’m presented with, which means that usually when I’ve got the app open I’m singing a little song that goes something like, “No, no, no, no, no…OMG…NO!” And I’m not alone. In an unofficial survey of many of my female friends who are also on Tinder, there are a lot of men out there who just don’t quite “get” it. With that in mind, we’ve compiled a list of 15 seriously annoying things guys do on Tinder.
1. Posting too many group shots
Seriously, who are you, dude? This is especially annoying when it’s on the main photo. If I can’t tell who a guy is right away, I’m probably going to be ticked that I have to sift through the other photos just to figure out which guy is the one posting. And if there is nothing but group photos (which shockingly a lot of guys do), it’s an instant “no.” One or two group photos after the main pic is fine (and shows me you have friends and might be fun and social), but then there is also the risk I might think one of the friends is hotter.
2. Posting all serious, unsmiling photos
Not one toothy grin? Most women will guess guys who do this have bad teeth. Almost every guy I’ve ever agreed to a date with who didn’t smile in his profile somewhere has shown up with an overbite, pitted enamel or fangs. Smile guys!
3. Posting photos in hats
Immediate assumption? This guy is bald, balding or hiding something under that hat.
4. Posting photos in sunglasses
Gentleman, we will not think you’re cool — we will assume you’re cross-eyed.
5. Posting body parts
Posting a photo of just your biceps is weird, and it happens more than you would imagine. Also, while it’s fine to post maybe one shirtless shot to show that you are fit, any guy who posts all shirtless photos while hurling weights at the gym will probably find himself left swiped.
6. Writing nothing in the profile
This says “I’m married,” “I’m boring” or “I’m short.” Seriously, just a little info would be great guys. Tell me something about you! Anything! Pithy profiles get more right swipes.
7. Filling out a profile with only emojis
After it’s taken us about 10 years to try and decipher this online game of Pictionary, we’ll probably figure you don’t speak English or are just looking for a hookup and delete you.
8. Taking selfies in the bathroom
Seriously, we don’t need to see this. Find another mirror… or get a Bluetooth remote. They’re cheap and easy to use and will pair with the smartphone you’re using to swipe.
9. Posting photos with women
Why? Just why? We’re going to conclude it’s an ex-girlfriend or a date or someone you slept with one night… unless you say, “That is my sister.” According to a GQ poll, 10 percent of men have a woman in their Tinder photos, and 96 percent of women looking at those had a negative reaction to it. Enough said.
10. Posting blurry photos and distance shots
Seriously, if we can’t see what you look like and that means clearly, we’re not going to click yes. Most women at this point have had too many dates where the guy shows up looking nothing like his picture so if a potential date posts only unclear photos or ones that require a magnifying glass (because Tinder doesn’t have a zoom feature), we’re going to pass.
11. Posting a photo with an exotic animal
It’s become a joke about the “Why do guys post photos with tigers?” (Actually, why do they? Can anyone answer this?), but we’re also not really going to be impressed if you’re with a giraffe, llama, whale, ostrich or whatever. In that GQ study, 100 percent of the women swiped left for men who had exotic animals in their pictures. Please, don’t pet or post the wild animals; just leave them at the zoo.
12. Posting too many kid pics
This can be a tricky one, but in general… kid pics (especially too many kid pics) don’t go over well on Tinder and can be confusing. If the kids are not yours, say so. If they are, then do not make them your profile pic. Make it like your fifth photo. If I’ve made it that far checking out your photos, I might be OK with it, and it’s honest. Or just tell me later. But seriously, I’m trying to figure out what you look like… not your progeny.
13. Bragging about sack skills
Yes, of course we want a man who is good in bed, but you don’t need that in your profile. Actions speak louder than words. Just be sexy… don’t tell us you are. If you do verbalize it, we will assume you’re overcompensating for something.
14. Swiping in zip codes that aren’t remotely close
The point of Tinder is supposed to be to connect people. However, there are a ton of guys who are swiping in area codes like thousands of miles away. I have actually fallen into this trap a few times where I connected with someone before realizing they lived in another state or country. It’s fine if this person plans to visit the place they’re swiping often, but usually with a little probing you find out that often means “Once every six months when a business trip takes me to your city.” For those of us actually looking for a real relationship, this is annoying. Tinder is not a game and dating long distance is tough.
15. Lacking common posting sense
This final one captures all the million other ridiculous things guys do on Tinder. No duck face. No partying with a drink in hand in every photo. No photos of you with a cigar. No posting four pictures of your pit bull. And on and on and on….
Even with this massive “don’t” list, we keep trying like the optimistic Tinderellas we are because it only takes one magical match to be a game changer. There must be at least a few unicorns in the app, right?